Session 6: Goal Setting Part 3 – Taking Motivation to the Next Level

Hey! Welcome back, guys. I'm like super excited to see you. I was on the road this week. I was on, in fact, I was in Daytona, Florida until yesterday.

I just got back from the International Medical and Dental Hypnotherapy Association conference, annual conference, and it's good to be back. And it's really, really good to be with you today. And I look forward to what we're going to be doing today. We're going to be continuing on talking about motivation. So I'm just going to pause for a minute.

I actually got distracted in the middle of teaching you this last week. But let's, let me just review what we went over. I think that there's four pillars for goal-setting. Why is goal-setting important? Because every human interaction that we have, hang on, I'm going to move this camera.

I keep on thinking I'm looking into it, but I'm not. Every human interaction that we have really deals with some kind of desired state. Maybe that's working, you know, talking with your lover or your partner, and it's like, well, what do you think the future looks like? Where are we going here? Maybe it's working with a kid, helping them with their grades, or it's helping them achieve something in sports.

Maybe it's a formal client that you've taken on to help them make progress forward. Maybe it's a team member that you're working with. Maybe it's an employee. But goals are an integral part of life. It helps us bridge the gap from where we are to where we want to go.

And I think that there are four main parts to goal-setting. And this is what we started to teach last week, and then we got distracted in the middle. We didn't get distracted, we just took a long detour in motivation. But the first thing that we do is we help people get really specific about where they're going. And so as we're working with a client, one of the hardest things that happens, and this happened to me actually today, like three times as I was working with clients, what do you want?

And then they come out with something that's really fuzzy, which means they don't really know what they want. And if all you ever did for people was help get them very, very specific and clear on what they actually wanted in their life, you would watch people start to achieve things that they had never achieved before, simply because they were more clear. Clarity is almost always the first roadblock in helping someone really create a powerful and lasting change. So then after that, we talked about, and so, you know, what parts, what feeds into the specificity? It's the W questions.

It's the who, you know, who do you want to do this with? Where do you want to do this? When do you want to do this? Not so much the how question, you know, we get into that later, but, you know, who, when, where. And then the motivation is really the why.

You know, why do you want this? And we talked about four questions. We're not going to rehash those this week, but we talked about four questions you can ask somebody to gauge their motivation level, and we talked about the different stages of motivation. That's one way to stage motivation. We talked about how your success goes way up if you don't work with people or don't agree to coach people until their motivation is high.

And if their motivation isn't high, it's really your job to build awareness and then to build motivation. And once you get that done, once you build somebody's motivation up to the point where they're just ready to take action, that's when coaching becomes fun for you, it becomes fun for the other person, and you'll watch people all day long, day after day, making massive breakthroughs because now they know what they want and they know why they want it. Now motivation is so important that we're going to be talking about it again today. We're going to be talking about motivation strategies that help build people's innate motivation. But let me just real quick finish drawing out this picture so you know what the other two quadrants look like.

And these are all things that you're paying attention to as you're helping somebody set a goal. Now sometimes you ask somebody what they want and they'll give you all four quadrants, but a lot of times you need to first help them flesh out what they want. Then you need to help them flesh out why they want it. Then you need to come down here and you need to look at the evidence. What is the evidence that would let you know that the goal had been achieved?

Evidence. Okay, I think I spelled that right. So what is the evidence that the goal had been achieved? Now the evidence really has a lot to do with the specificity, but it has to do with specificity of achievement. So a really clever shortcut, and we're probably going to dedicate a whole session to working with evidence, but a really clever shortcut in working with people is just asking them, how will you know that you've achieved your goal?

If somebody says, well I want to make a thousand dollars a month extra, it's a financial goal, and you simply ask them, well how would you know that had happened? And they tell you something that's really different than what was in your head. It will help you as a coach formulate your plan or know if your client is like on or off in their reality strategy, right? How will you know that your marriage is in a better place? Well I would know because my wife would do exactly what I said.

Okay, we need to work with this client on what their evidence is because that probably ain't gonna happen, right? So or vice versa, my husband would do exactly what I say. Well it's, you know, a control agenda, and you know that you got to readjust the client's evidence. Rebecca, if you could mute yourself, that'd be awesome. Good to see you.

Hang on, I'm gonna mute you, Rebecca. I think I just muted Rebecca. Okay, I'll unmute you here in a little bit. So I'm gonna click back on myself. If you guys could click back on me if you can't see me.

Anytime you need to switch the pane that you're looking at, you can go down to the lower right-hand corner in the Hangout, and you can click on the frame of the person you want to watch as we coach people later today. And I am gonna ask for volunteers. I'm gonna do some coaching around motivation today with people, not so much on staging the motivation, but on raising up the motivation. How to do some procedures that will help you increase the motivation of the people that you're coaching as you have a normal conversation with people. So if you want that to be done, go ahead and reach out and give a shout out.

Hang on two seconds. Give a shout out to Tara and let her know that you're interested in being coached today. And we might pull out a couple of you. Now if we run out of time, last time we went kind of long, if we get about an hour out and you haven't been coached, we'll just pull you back out next time we need volunteers. If your situation is still appropriate.

So with that in mind, evidence. The big shortcut is how will you know that you've achieved X? How will you know that your marriage is happy? How will you know that you've made the money? How will you know that you have stopped biting your nails?

How will you know that you've stopped smoking? Seems like a really simple question and seems like almost super obvious, but it's a super important one. We'll talk more about evidence procedures later on because there's a bunch to talk about there. The last one is what I'm going to call systemic impact. And we're going to spend at least one whole session just talking about the systemic impact of goals.

But let me just give you an overview of what I'm talking about. We have internal systems and we have external systems. In terms of internal systems, for example, we have different competing desires. Have you ever heard someone say something like this? Part of me really wants to go for this goal, but part of me isn't quite sure if I can actually do it.

Part of me really wants to have a happy marriage, but part of me just wants to say screw it, I'm out of here. Part of me wants to go on a really nice date this weekend and part of me just wants to stay at home. And sometimes people even gesture just like I'm gesturing, but oftentimes they'll just say it in their language. You see them kind of shift their head back and forth or kind of shift their shoulders back and forth. What that means is that there's an internal system.

There's an internal play of emotions and desires. And yes, it is possible to simultaneously want something and to not want something all at the same time. And I mean like if you're at home and if that's you, if you're like holy cow, I have both wanted and not wanted success. Or I have both wanted and not wanted my marriage to be fixed. Or I both wanted and not wanted to lose weight.

Like post it in the notes. And if you don't want to mention what it's about, just say holy cow, that's me. That's me. I want it and don't want it all at the same time. So that's internal systems.

And part of helping someone get goals is making sure that internal systems are aligned. Because internally, if you have a tug-of-war going on, if you have a party that wants it and a part of you that doesn't, and those are just fighting all the time, that internal tension can keep you from actually achieving anything. But you don't just have internal systems. You also have external systems. And external systems can also come in conflict.

So for example, I have a family member and this particular family member watched both my dad and my grandpa work a lot. And my dad at one point was both a judge and he was what's called a state president in the Mormon Church, which means that he was working about 30 to 40 hours a week, basically every spare minute that he had inside of a church function. He was in charge of a congregation of like probably a total 4,000 people with 2,500 active people coming in on a weekly basis. So his time was like, most of the time was like go to work, go straight out into his volunteer position. My grandpa just worked every waking minute that he was awake.

I almost never saw him relax ever. He was just always go, go, go, go, go. Well, this family member of mine started to form an internal conflict around, well an internal and an external conflict around being a good dad and succeeding. So it's like, well I can either be a good father or I can succeed in my business. But if I dedicate too much time to my business, I won't be succeeding as a father.

And so you watch people where there's an internal perception that there's a competing value between two systems. Now on the other hand, there might be like a literal conflict. Like if you get to the point where it's like, well in order to succeed in my business, I actually have to work 16 hours a day. And if I do that, my wife is going to leave me or my partner's going to leave me or my kids are going to start to get into trouble. And that's what you actually have to do.

You might be running into an external systems. Some of you on this call right now, you have goals and like your spouse or partner isn't on board. And I know that's true because there's a big number of you and that's what happens when you have goals. Or sometimes you have a big goal in mind and someone on the outside actually actively doesn't want you to go for it. One time I had a boss, this is a long time ago, I had a boss who realized that I was incredibly talented and was actively taking action to block my forward movement because he was afraid that I was going to take his job because he thought I was more capable than him.

Or he was afraid that I was more capable than him, which is probably true. But I didn't actually want his job, right? So that was interesting, right? So there was an external system thing going on. So we're not going to talk any more about that, but I'll tell you the thing that a lot of people do and I'll tell you what most people miss, okay?

Most people when they set goals, if they do them at all, they get this piece right. They get the specifics of the direction. You know the smart formula does a pretty good job with that and a bunch of other formulas will help people really dive down into specificity. Some people, and the numbers start to drop off here, will learn to connect with their why. They'll learn to connect deeply with their motivation.

Almost everybody ignores evidence. Some don't, most do. Especially some of the evidence stuff that we're going to be talking about. And I have almost never heard anybody outside of the coaching field, especially people who trained specifically in neuro-linguistics, really talk deeply about these systemic impact, the systemic impact of goals. You know, both in terms of values and values alignment, making sure that values are aligned internally and then also dealing with external systems.

Now some people do. I've also seen people like out of ACT therapy do that and a couple of cognitive behavioral approaches, but it's pretty rare. People just ignore this stuff and then they wonder why they have problems. It's like every time I start going for a goal, I find myself starting and stopping, starting and stopping. And if you can identify with that, like type something in the comments.

Say, oh my gosh, that's me. I like start and stop, start and stop, start and stop. If you're starting and stopping, I can almost guarantee you, you have ignored something either in your internal systems or in one of the external systems. If you've just had an aha, let me know what it is. I'm going to check the comments here in just a minute.

So this is the overview of where we're going and these are, in my opinion, the four pillars of setting goals. Whether you're setting goals for yourself and you're just doing work, you're enrolling your own self as a client, or whether you're working with, you know, a living, breathing human being that has paid you for their services or you're working with a team member or an employee or something like that. So if you got something, shoot something over to me in the comments and I'm going to pop over here real quick and I'm going to grab a hold of the comments so I can just do a quick check-in with you guys and see where you're at. Let's say I'm going to go right here and I'm going to mute the sound here. Give me just a quick second.

Okay, I've muted the sound. On it, oh boy, that's me. Okay, so we've got that. You start and stop and don't know why. So you've probably got an internal conflict going on, Nicole.

This is Nicole Sylvester. Judy, I used to be like that but now I concentrate on me last so I'm committed to being successful at the end. Okay, cool. I struggle with start and stop a lot. Yeah, I get sidetracked easily.

Getting sidetracked could be a, it could be a parts conflict. It could also be just like a procrastination strategy that you run. It happens way too often. Internal conflict of wanting to make money but scared I can't do it. Yep.

Losing motivation. Yeah, losing motivation. Millionaire mindset. I think you may be on. That is part of what we're going to be talking about here in a minute is reconnecting deeply to your why.

Joseph, I really don't know where I'm stuck at. Yeah, that's common. Like I'm stuck but I don't know why. I don't know like what the, what the source is. Okay, I start and stop and then beat myself up for stopping.

Yeah, that's a, that is a real, real issue. Okay, so I think it's doubt in my ability, Nikki says. Emotional distractions. And the list goes on. So as we work with ourselves and I, and I recommend that everybody immediately enroll themselves in their own coaching program.

It's like I am my own first client. In fact, I'm going to give you a little inside secret to becoming the best coach ever. Today, enroll yourself in your own coaching program. Right? So today, I am now in charge of my own destiny.

I am in charge of my own coaching. I am in charge of my own success and I have enrolled myself in the program. And if I can get results with me, I know I can turn around and I can help somebody else go through the same thing. Okay, cool. So let's go ahead and let's, oh, Yash says, I am millionaire mindset.

Woohoo! So you lost your motivation. We're going to help you find it, brother. I'm glad to see that you're on the panel, man. Give me a thumbs up if that's all right.

So, all right, he gives me a thumbs up. But let's dive in now to the, to the motivation. So we talked about staging the client's, the client's motivation. Now, I just want to add a thought or two to that from last time. Can a client's motivation change from one, not one session, but one second to the next second?

Absolutely. Like a client can suddenly wake up or a client can shut down right in the moment. So one of the things that I'm listening for when a client comes into the office is I'm listening for where are they today as I'm working with them. How many of you have been really motivated through like the first three weeks of a diet and then you get out to about the third week and then your motivation just like tanks off the edge of a cliff. Come on, you know, raise your hand, raise your hands.

Like, you know, yeah, me too, right? Me too. Or you go for like, I am going to be a millionaire. This year is my year. And then you like start taking action and then like you're super motivated for like seven days and then on the eighth day you're like, oh, I'm exhausted.

That is the nature of goal setting. So I've got some really bad news for you, but I've also got some good news for you. So the bad news is whatever your goal is, as soon as you start going for it, you're gonna go for it and you're gonna be super motivated for a period of time. That period of time could be a week, it could be a month, could be six months. For most people it's like ten days to two weeks.

I'm just telling you. The average person starts their diet on January 1st. The average person is done dieting by January, by like January 17th. That's like 80% of America. And I don't know how it is overseas, but that's 80% of the United States that starts a diet on January 1 is done by January 17th.

That means the average person has about two weeks of intense focus in them. And then at some place they go from focused to unfocused. Here's what that means practically. I was having a conversation with a coach that I was training. And he was telling me, I was doing what's called supervision.

So supervision work is once you've already gone through a certain amount of training, you can hire somebody. That's something that I do. You can hire somebody to give you feedback on how to work with clients. So we were doing a case review on like six clients over the period of an hour. The six clients that he was working with in his coaching practice.

And he was telling me about how the client left the session. And then he made a logical assumption that a lot of people make. And that is that person was going to come back in, in the same exact spot as where he left the client. Does that make sense? So they leave the client at the end of an hour or two hours or whatever it is.

Then they come back in a week, which was what his schedule was. And he assumed that the client would be in the exact same spot. That wherever the client had left, they would return. And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You have to assume that the client that comes in is a brand new person.

And you're seeing them with new eyes for the first time. If you're working with a team member and you have a phone conversation with them, and they leave in a super motivated state, you cannot assume that the next time that you talk to them, they're in that same state. So almost the first thing that you have to do every time you talk to somebody, if you're working with goals, is you have to gauge where their motivation level is. And you remember the filters. Let's go through real quick.

Okay. FU stage, right? I don't have a problem. It's not my problem. It's your problem.

There's no awareness. There's no motivation. Second stage is maybe later. There's awareness, but there is no motivation. So if you got somebody in stage one, if you want to work with them, your goal is to help them build awareness, not to motivate them, just to build awareness.

That's it. If you got somebody in stage two, your job is to motivate them. We're going to be going through some strategies on how to do that today. If you get somebody in stage three, there's awareness. and at least some motivation, but they don't know how to.

So your job in coaching somebody in stage three is to help them with the how-to. Usually in a group setting is the best setting to do that. Stage four is the action phase. Somebody is highly motivated, they're highly aware, highly motivated, and they're ready to do whatever it takes right now. Okay, and then maintenance stage, they've already made the change and they're just looking to keep that change.

Sometimes motivation can go up and down in maintenance stage. That's a common thing is for people to lose motivation. We'll talk about that another day. So if we're in this situation where we're trying to raise somebody's motivation, how do we go about doing that? And what's the best way to do it?

And what's the technique that most people do? So I'm gonna give you like bad parenting 101, right? Bad parenting, for those of you who aren't parents, you can learn from my mistakes. And here's what I mean by bad parenting. What most parents do, and I'm gonna give you a real-life example of a parent that was trying to motivate their kids in a least helpful way, and I could probably give an example out of my own life, but this one is sticking out in my head because we've all done something like this.

But I'm gonna give you bad parenting 101, and then I'm gonna tell you about a case that happened in a hospital, and then I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna give you the solution that actually works. So there was a dad who was really frustrated with his son because his son was, and I'm just gonna give you a real-life case, doesn't mean that I'm agreeing or disagreeing with any of the values, this is just what happened. So what happened is that this son started to live with a girl, and then they got pregnant, and they had one baby and then two babies, but the son was not willing to marry the woman that he was having children with. And the dad came from a fundamentalist, religious standpoint and was really super frustrated that this was going on, right? Like on a scale of zero to 100, 100 being like off the chart crazy about it, he was like a 3,427, right?

And some of you on the call can identify with that, and some of you are like, oh, that guy's a jerk. Well, just what happened, right? He loved his son, his son loved him, but every time he saw his son, he would go up to his son and he would say, son, you are putting the cart before the horse. You are doing things wrong. You need to marry this girl.

If you love her enough to have kids, you need to marry her, right? So this is what he said. And he was going on and he would start to write it. Well, what would happen? So he was operating out of a motivation by shoulds and have-tos, right?

If you, and threats. If you don't do this, I'm not going to help you. If you don't get married, then you're setting yourself up for failure. So he's motivating out of have-tos, shoulds, and threats. Mild threats, but threats.

Now, here's the question, right? And I want an answer back, right? Again, whether you agree or disagree with the case. Did the tactic work? Right, and what do you think probably happened?

Motivating by shoulds, have-tos, and mild threats. And I'm just going to wait for a couple of answers. I know there's a little lag here. Okay, so what happened? Yeah, no, it won't work, no, right?

And so, yeah, there was pushback, right? So what happens when, yeah, I just did the exact opposite. So that's exactly what happens. So you can think about it like pushing. And sometimes if I have a client in the office and I'm trying to teach him this concept, what I'll do is I'll hold up a book and I'll go up, without telling the client what I'm going to do, I'll just go up to the client and I will start pushing on the book.

I'll go, put your hand up here, and I'll start to push on the book. Not super hard, but a little bit. And what the other person will do immediately without any coaching is they will push back. Very rarely does somebody just kind of give in. I mean, I'm not talking about trying to bowl them over, but you just kind of push into them a little bit.

They start to push back. That concept is called psychological reactance. It is in the human nature to push back when somebody pushes on us, even if we know we're wrong. Okay, so I'm going to give you another one, okay? This is one that's a little funny, and this is one that's like, you know, classic rebel button.

And I'll come back to this other story and give you the outcome, because there was a real specific outcome that I think you'll be able to learn from and remember as you move forward. But this is like several years ago. It was a cold day. It was like 35 degrees outside. It was like a cold spring day, but it looked really nice outside.

And so I was getting ready to go outside, and my wife says, you should, remember this is motivating by shoulds again, you should put on a jacket. It's cold out there. Well, for whatever reason, it just kind of hit me the wrong way, right? And for those of you that have a partner, right, has that ever happened to you, where they're like, you should do this, or you have to do this, and you're like, you know, no, right? And that's what I did.

As stupid as this is, I was like, no. Now I was gonna be outside for like a couple of hours. It was 35 degrees outside. I chose to walk outside and to freeze my tail off simply because I was being told what to do, okay, right? Now, if you've ever done that, right, if you've ever done that, just say, okay, that's me, that's me, right?

And yeah, Kay says, I can never be told, right? That's what she's saying here in the chat. And I just, I'm wondering, you know, what about you guys? Yeah, often, right, that it's hilarious. It's totally ridiculous, right?

But it's what the human being is designed to do. It's called psychological reactance. It is if you push on somebody, they push back. If you tell them they have to, they'll tell you, screw you, right? If they say there's no other way for it to be done, the human psyche says, I'll find a way, right?

And they'll push back. So your goal in motivating people is to utilize reactance in your favor. It's like mental judo, mental judo. So in judo, one of the concepts, one of the core concepts that comes up is the idea that you use your opponent's energy against them. So let's say that I'm up against a bigger, larger, yeah, Rebecca here actually says, she says, I'm having this issue with my 13-year-old right now, okay?

Yeah, right? You have to do this. Stop this, right? Da-da-da-da-da-da. And the 13-year-old's like, oh yeah, I know you're busy.

You're on a webinar, right? What are you gonna do, Mom? Right, yeah, she's nodding yes. She's giving me a thumbs up, right? Yeah, I know the drill.

I've got five kids and one on the way, right? And I was one once, right? Yeah, you've got three, is that right? Oh, four, you've got four, so you know what I'm talking about, right? So yeah, you give me a thumbs up.

You give me an amen in the comments, right? Yeah, that's, right? But the thing is, you did that too when you were 13, right? It's what we do, right? It's what we do.

But anyway, so back to this. So in judo, let's say that I have the ability to push 150 pounds. My opponent has the ability to push 500 pounds. If we get into a pushing match where we're pushing back and forth, what's gonna happen? The person who is stronger will push me down.

Or if I'm stronger, I'll push the person down. Now, if I happen to push the person down, they're probably gonna resent it and it's gonna backfire later, right? If you know what I'm talking about, backfiring later on, yeah, I mean, say something that comes. Like, oh my gosh, yeah, that's my life. But here's the problem.

Many of us are trying to motivate the people around us and we're forgetting the things that work and don't work for ourselves. So in judo, what we say is if I have the ability to push 150 pounds and I have an opponent that can push 500 pounds, when they push, I pull. Or in aikido, they might just step out of the way. In kung fu, they do the same thing, just kinda step out of the way, let them go right past you. So what we say is we wanna control the direction of psychological reactance.

So let's go back to the story that we're talking about here with the father and the son. So the father says, you're putting the cart before the horse, you shouldn't do that, you have to get married, you must do what's right, right? And if you don't do it, I won't help you, things like that, right? And I might have some of the details wrong, it's been a while since I've gone over the case. But what did the son do?

The son actually said at one point, dad, every time you tell me what I have to do, I'm going to add six months to the engagement. So he was already engaged. I'm gonna add six months to the engagement. And he was serious, because he just got mad. He was like, I'm done, I'm done with this, this is stupid.

And so he did it. So every time the dad would talk to him, he would just say, you just added another six months. You just added another six months. It wasn't until the father learned a new motivation strategy, one that's actually based in good human psychology, the marriage happened. What's interesting is that as soon as the father changed tactic, there was a different response in the real world.

That instead of creating resistance, he created cooperation. And that's really the essence of what we're after today. And that's the whole idea behind psychological reactives. Can you create cooperation instead of resistance? The meaning of your communication is the response that you get.

And if you're getting a response in terms of motivation that you don't like, it may not be the other person's fault. It may be the tactic that you're using. So, will the tactics that I'm gonna share with you today, are they guaranteed to work 100%? No, because nothing works 100%. But they are more likely to work.

So let's go to the hospital scenario. Okay, we're gonna go through one more story to help really cement this in. Now I'm gonna have some of the details wrong because I don't have the stats right in front of me. But there was a hospital in the country that was diagnosing people with really serious diagnoses. They were diagnosing people with cancers, with really, really complicated forms of diabetes, with all sorts of problems, all sorts of other health problems that were either fatal or life altering in some major way.

And what was interesting is that the physicians in the hospital were having a major problem. And that is, is that from a diagnosis, from the time that the diagnosis was rendered, there was only something like an 8% second follow-up visit rate, meaning that they would diagnose, hey, you have cancer, and then like only 8% of the people would actually come back for a second visit. And that was one of the lowest second visits in the country and it wasn't only bad news, it was potentially fatal for some of these clients. They didn't know what they were doing wrong. All they knew is that the way that they were motivating patients to go from diagnosis to follow-up visit wasn't working.

So they hired a motivation expert, a guy who studies motivation for a living, a psychologist. And they brought the psychologist in to evaluate what the staff was doing. And so what the psychologist did is he evaluated the staff through one-way mirrors as they were, with permission, the patients had to sign off on it, but with permission was observing the physician interactions through one-way mirrors and was kind of charting out the strategies. Now what do you think was going on, right? The physicians were taking a posture, and we probably won't talk too much about posture today, but they're taking what was called a one-up, one-down posture.

A one-up, one-down posture is when you're like, I am God, you are a peon, right? Or like I am the expert and you know nothing, right? So that's a one-up, one-down posture. It's really common in the medical world. It's not the only thing that happens, but it does happen.

And anytime you get in, like have you ever sat in like a banker's office? I have once, this is hilarious. You know, I walked in and like there were little itty-bitty chairs. It's like my head was like this over the desk, right, you know, and the banker was like in this big, tall chair that made him very big with this giant desk between. That's a one-up, one-down position, okay?

So that was the first thing that the psychologist noticed, that the diagnosis was happening inside of a one-up, one-down. The second thing that the psychologist noticed is that the predominant medical strategy that was being used was should, have to, and threat, medical threat, right? So for example, you've been diagnosed with cancer. You have to show up tomorrow for radiation therapy immediately. If you don't, I will fire you as a patient.

Okay, right, now we go back to it. By the way, if you've ever been on the receiving end of that kind of diagnosis, maybe not with cancer but with something else, where your physician, like as he was diagnosing, was threatening to fire you, just say that yeah, that's happened to me, right? Yeah, or therapists will do that, Marie. Absolutely, they go into like I am the therapist, you are the peon, I am God, and you are my subject, right? And if you don't do what I say, I will fire you because you must do what I say, right?

Because that's what the research says. Yeah, right, so now I'm not saying that these are good or bad people. They're just in a model that doesn't work out that well. All of the motivation research in the last 20 years says that taking a one-up, one-down stance and telling people what they have to do, what they must do, and that if you don't do it, you know, there's gonna be all these bad, if you don't stop smoking, you're going to die terribly of lung cancer and you're going to alienate your family and you're going to disappoint everyone around you. It's like that's, all those strategies have been like scientifically proven at this point to actually have an adverse effect on motivation.

So what the psychologist recommended, he recommended a couple of things. First thing he recommended is changing the one-up, one-down position to having the physicians become a consultant. They call this side-along motivation, right? Or side-along posture, where they would say like, hey, wow, we just got these tests back and I want to share with you what these results mean. And so they would actually, instead of like being confrontational, like facing the patient, they would just move to like a table or to a seat that was next to the patient.

They would show them, hey, let me show you what this means. These tests are concerning. These, you know, these numbers are a little elevated. It probably means that you have cancer or definitely means you have cancer. And so, you know, knowing about that, what kind of questions do you have?

Rather than you have this diagnosis, you must take this action. If you don't take this action, I'm going to fire you as a patient and you'll die a horrible death. Your children will be left fatherless, right? Okay, medical threats. So they went to this side-along posture.

The second thing that they did is they just started to ask the patient what they wanted to do. What do you want to do about this? Right, that's the side-along posture. So instead of saying you must do this, it's what do you want to do about that? Now that you know that there's a diagnosis of cancer, now what's next?

What do you think the right course of action would be? Well, I don't know, doc. What do you recommend? Well, I'd probably recommend this. What do you think about that, right?

And then they go, man, well, gosh, I mean, is that my only option? Well, there may be some other options, but they're less well-researched. And then they start asking, if you were to take action on this, if you were to get help, why would you want to do it? That's all they did. They started to, instead of tell the client why they must take action, they started to draw out the reasons from the client.

Here's what happened. The hospital went from like an 8% compliance rate, meaning going from first visit to second visit to treatment, to like an 88% compliance rate with two changes. Then you go, whoa! Is the power of not telling, not shooting on people, not telling people they have to and making veiled or not so veiled threats, and moving to a side-along consultant, why would you want to do this? Is the effect 10-fold or 11-fold different?

The answer is almost always yes. Now, I don't want to take away the ability for you to make threats. If that's working for you, go for it. But the research tells us that it is not an effective strategy. And the research also tells us that even when it is an effective short-term strategy, it tends to breed resentment, which can lead to a rupture in relationship.

So if you're in a long-term relationship, if you're in it for the long haul, the best way to help somebody get motivated is to help them find their own reasons. And just like a little teeny tiny ember, you take that ember, you blow on it, you add in fuel, and you help make it bigger. Right now, if you just got a big ah-ha listening to that, I want you to feed it back to me in the comments. Tell me, what is it that you just learned? What did you just learn?

Jacob, yes, you will get previous mastermind recordings eventually. Okay? So what did you just learn? Yeah, eventually all these recordings are going to be in the back office. And ideally, I think what we're going to do is we're going to have the video and the audio in downloadable format, but we're still working on getting the back office up.

Yeah, give people options. Don't take options away. Give people options, Tammy. Yeah, thou shalt not, should on thyself, nor shalt thou should on another. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, Doug, that's awesome. Yeah, Tabby, I just learned about myself from a conversation I had last week. Yeah, Nathaniel says people respond, whoa, people respond better when they are given the chance to participate. That's exactly right. So whether you are selling to someone, this is true with sales, whether you are motivating a team member, an employee, or a child, your most effective strategy is to help the individual find their own reasons than to take that motivation and blow on it and make it bigger.

And so I'm going to show you a couple of techniques to do that, okay? So let's see. Kay says over here, so these are a couple of internal comments. Kay says, yes, I would only listen to my doctors if I felt they were working with me. We have to work with our clients, not demand their efforts.

That's right, we can't. Let's just get down to it. A lot of people want, they want to learn neuro-linguistic strategies or hypnotic strategies to force people to do what they want. Hey, let me just end that right now. Doesn't work, right?

I mean, you can short-term manipulate people into doing things, but there are long-term consequences to doing that. Every time I have made that mistake, either with a client or with a child, it has massively backfired on me, right? If it has backfired on you, post a comment. Give me an amen or something. It's like it backfires.

Even if you do it, it just flat out long-term is not a good strategy. So especially as working with employees, team members, people that we're bringing into our branding team or whatever it is to help us achieve our goal, it's like we got to work with strategies that work long-term and best long-term is to work side along and to invite out reasons. So Yash Patel says, I learned that to find the reason that hurts them and to bring their motivation up, find the reasons to motivate them. Yeah, and the motivation. Maybe positive, maybe towards or away like we talked about.

I think we talked about that last time a little bit. We'll review that here in a minute. But sometimes people's reasons are to not get hurt. Sometimes people's reasons are to achieve something bright and shiny, right? So we gotta look at whatever their motivation strategy is and it's always easier to utilize the motivation that they give you than it is to install a motivation that they should have, okay?

Not that it doesn't work but it's a lot harder, okay? So like 100 times harder. So you wanna just do what's easy. Do what's easy and ask them, move alongside, become the consultant, draw out the motivation and then point them in the right direction. That also takes a huge weight off your shoulders as it is not your responsibility.

Okay, so let's go ahead and let's dive into this. The first strategy for helping someone increase their motivation is to do what's called the five Y technique, okay? Now in order to do this, I'm gonna set this up and then I'm gonna start bringing people out and that's what I'm gonna demonstrate today. And that may be all that I have time to demonstrate. And then if we have time, I'm gonna demonstrate what's called backwards planning.

Okay, that's another awesome technique for doing this. And so the five Y technique uses the question why. Now some of you have read books or even attended courses where they say why is a bad question. Well, that's BS, okay? Why is a bad question in the wrong context?

So I'll agree with that. So for example, if someone is complaining and you ask them why they're complaining, you've pointed your why in the wrong direction. All they're going to do is justify. If somebody is talking about how they have problems and you ask why, they're going to defend their problem. So in those cases, why is a bad question.

But on the other hand, if somebody has told you what they want and you ask them why, they're going to defend why that's important to them. Okay, you wanna lose 10 pounds. Why is that important for you? That's moving your why in the right direction. Does that make sense?

Okay, let me know if that makes sense. I actually wanna see some of you tell me if that makes sense or not. Because a lot of you have heard that you shouldn't do that. So ask why, but make sure your why isn't about a problem or isn't about a complaint. Make sure that your why moves the client in the direction of what they want.

And if you do that, if your why is pointing in the right direction, it will always take you where you wanna go. Okay, so Judy Gunn says yes. Melissa says it makes perfect sense. Okay, so we're on the same page. So the five why technique is just super, super simple.

The five why technique simply means that what you do is you're going to do two things. You're going to listen, maybe three. You're gonna listen to the client, hear what they say. You're going to listen specifically for the words and phrases that your client emphasizes. And they can emphasize it with their body language or with their voice tone, right?

And then when you hear the words that they emphasize about their motivation, you're going to feed back to them what they just said. So if they say, so my family is really important to me and this will help my family prosper, okay? So the word they were sitting on is family. Then how I would feed that back is I go, tell me why is your family, and I'd feed it back in the same way, why is your family so important to you? And then they're gonna tell me something.

Well, my family is important to me because they mean the world to me. Okay, so they sat on mean the world to me, right? And I say, your family means the world to you. Just repeat it back exactly like they give it to you. Then you say, tell me, why does your family mean the world to you?

And then they're gonna say something. Well, it's because it's my deepest value, it's who I am. And in the end, it's all you take with you. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't have anything. They're everything to me.

Now I could just say, tell me more about them. Or I can say, so your family is everything to you. This might seem like a silly question, but why is your family everything to you? If you have good rapport, that'll work. If you don't have good rapport, they won't answer that.

Right? Oh, they're everything to me because it just brings me the deepest sense of peace. Sounds like peace is really important to you. Why is peace so important to you? Okay, you get where I'm going, right?

It's the easiest technique ever. You listen deeply, you repeat back what the client says, you listen for where and how they're sitting on language, and then you ask them why. Now, why five times? Because most clients, in five moves, if you're emphasizing the right words, they will move into deep, deep, deep levels of motivation. Some clients it takes seven, I've had clients take as many as nine, but most of the time, within like three to five, man, boom, they're right there.

So I'm gonna go ahead and demonstrate this, and we're gonna show how this creates motivation. And to do it, we're gonna have the client scale their motivation before and after we do it. Okay, is that all right? And this is not the only way to do this. There's another way of doing this that uses a different series of questions, and I may come back around and teach that another day, but we won't have time for that today.

Okay, but this is a very, very simple way that you can literally take and do immediately when you leave this call to start increasing the motivation of the people that you talk to, remembering you're moving alongside of them, you're a consultant, you're not a dictator, and all you're doing is you're drawing out, you're drawing out the motivation that's already inside of them. So who's first? Who do we got up first? I think it was, it may have been, was it Rebecca that was on first? Yeah, let's bring out Rebecca.

Okay, Rebecca, what I'm gonna do here for the group, I am going, I'm gonna turn off my camera. Now, if you wanna watch Rebecca, what you're gonna have to do, you're gonna have to click on Rebecca's screen down in the lower right-hand corner so that her screen comes up. Now, Rebecca, the reason I'm gonna do this is so that you're not paying so much attention to me, but you're just kind of paying attention to what's inside of your internal world. Are you okay with that? I am okay with that.

You're okay with that? Okay, cool. So I'm gonna go ahead and switch camera. Okay, I'm gonna move my camera off me. I'm turning my camera off.

Let me know if you can't hear me for some reason. Is that all right? Nope, I can hear you. You can hear me just fine? So I'm gonna, Rebecca, what we're gonna do here is I'm gonna ask you a little bit about your goal and then what I'm gonna do is, with your permission, I'd like to really help you dig down to the core of why this goal is important for you.

Would that be all right? That would be all right. Okay, and that may mean that I'm gonna ask you the same question a few times and I wanna make sure that I get your permission to do that just because the question can feel a little repetitive, but if you know where I'm going, it makes it a lot easier to do. So is it okay if I ask you the same question a few times? Absolutely.

Okay, and I just wanna let you know that I'm here for you and if I've misunderstood you at any point, just make sure you correct me. Is that all right? Yep. Okay, so Rebecca, tell me a little bit, tell me a little about your goal. What do you want?

My goal is to get my family out of debt and to prove to myself that I can do this online. Okay, so your goal is to get your family out of debt and to prove to yourself that you can do this online. Yes. Okay, now I'm gonna pause here for a minute. Now, if I was actually helping her with the first quadrant, which is specificity, I would take a really deep dive into the specifics of the goal.

But right now, that's not what we're doing. So I'm just gonna assume that she's already built some specifics around this. Is that all right, Rebecca? Yes. Okay, so you want to help your family get out of debt and prove to yourself that you can do this online.

And tell me, that sounds like a really important goal and the word that I heard you emphasize in all of that was family. Did I hear that right? Correct. Yeah, so tell me, Rebecca, why is it important for you to do this for your family? Well, I get a lot of help from my family, like my immediate family, my parents and my sister.

I have two kids that are from a previous marriage and their father does not help me at all financially. And I'm remarried and I have a daughter and a stepdaughter with my husband. I have a blended family and my husband's been kind of in and out of work over the years and I want to be able to give back to my family for helping me so much and helping me take care of my family, so. Yeah, it sounds like you've had a lot of help and you really want to give back. Yes, absolutely.

Yeah, tell me, Rebecca, why is giving back so important? I've always been a people pleaser and I want to just always help people and my family are my most important people in my life and because they've shown such gratitude and help to me, I can't help but want to give that back like tenfold. And I know with what you guys do and what you guys teach us online to do, I know I can do that. My father is 74, 73 and he has helped me out tremendously. I mean, he's a workaholic, he'll always work, but to be able to maybe let him slow down on work and kind of enjoy life like he should, that would mean a lot to me as well.

Yeah, I heard your voice. I heard your voice really deepen and slow down on a couple of words and I just want to test this to make sure I'm hearing you right. What I heard you really emphasize in that was that your family is the most important people and that you'd like to help your father slow down. Did I hear you right? You heard me correct.

Okay. So tell me, why is your family your most important people? My family is my most important people because growing up as a child, my mother was like the strong one in my family. My father was always out working, providing and he was a great provider. But she always talked about how important family is and to stick together and when you're at your lowest point, those are the best people to go to and to have surrounded by.

So I've always just been family oriented because of my mom. Because of your mom? Yeah. Tell me, why is it important for you to do this for your mom? I'm going to say it again.

She has been my rock. She has been there for me through everything. She would walk through fire for me. So I would like to be able to do that for my family, my immediate family, my husband, my four kids and just to actually show them that an education is awesome but that they can also do other things to go forward in life and to not have to work so hard. You really want to show this for not only your mom but for your husband and your kids.

Absolutely. So they know they can do other things. Yes. And again, this may seem a little repetitive but this is either the last time or the second to the last time I'm going to ask. Why is it important that you show your kids that they can do other things?

I believe that how do I put this? I want to put value to them. I want them to see the value of working hard but not working hard, if that makes sense. But it's really about value. Yeah.

Last time I'm going to ask you but I do appreciate you answering the questions. Why is it important that you embody this value as you pursue your goal? So that I know that once I am not on this earth anymore that I know my kids will be able to take care of themselves and to be able to prosper and have families and just carry those values and those morals and everything else on. Those values and morals are really important to you, aren't they? Yes, absolutely.

Okay, now I'm going to pause here for a minute. Now Rebecca, I'm going to turn my camera back on so you can see me here. Okay. Okay? You okay?

So here's the question. So if we started off, I forgot to have you scale your motivation in the beginning but let's say zero to 100 was your motivation. Where was your motivation in the beginning? 100 being high, zero being low and then where did it end up at? Before we started the questioning?

Yep. I was about 80% and now I'm at about 95%. When did it shift for you? When you were talking about just with my kids and giving back to my family. It really, it just, with my dad and how much he's helped me and him being older and not that he's not going to be here anytime soon but I want him to enjoy his life.

He's never really enjoyed his life. He's worked so hard and taken care of all of us so much and also I always give my children the example of my father, my older two especially because they don't have that father. They have my husband who's their stepfather and is a great example for them but I've always said if you want an example of a good person to follow work ethic wise, follow Papa because it's a hard work. He's always provided, he's always taken care of his family. So, just that.

Right. And notice that even as you talk about it again, it boosts up your motivation again, doesn't it? Yeah. And that's not a sneaky tactic. That is something that, it's a side along motivation strategy where I can go okay, now I know it's moving her so if she starts to have a down day, I can just start having, help her talk about it again.

Right? Can I? Go ahead. Yeah, please. I was going to say, I went to the event in Nashville.

You know, I started this thing about two months ago with Empower and I went to the event in Nashville and I came back after that with the whole, you know, I wasn't able to purchase Titan in Nashville but I knew that I wanted to and when I got home, you know, I sat down with my dad because I knew he would, you know, I hoped he would help me and for him to actually say, you know what, here's the money to get it, I want to see you succeed was really heartfelt for me because he doesn't just dole out money for anything, you know, and like, that he believed that I could do this really made it that much more motivational for me. He believes in you. And I always had that from him as a child because like I said, he was a very good provider, just not very on the emotional level that I needed so to hear that now, actually definitely motivates me even more. So Rebecca, will you do this for your dad? Yes.

I believe you. Yes, I will. Okay. Again, talking about it, where's your motivation level now, zero to 100? Now it's like 110.

That's a good thing, right? So the way, and notice, I didn't have to be sneaky and like only find it out by calibrating with her voice, I just had to ask her, hey, like what motivates you the most? And she tells me and then I go back and I get her talking about it more and her motivation continues to increase. So here's your task tonight. I want you to write down your why and everything you just learned about your why and anything else that comes to your mind about your why so that you can read it, not if, but when you wake up one morning and you find your motivation a little bit low because it happens to us all.

Will you do that? Yep, yep, absolutely. And you can even record it into an audio recorder or like your phone so that you can hear your own voice speaking it. That's really a powerful thing to do. Okay, will you do that?

Yeah, absolutely. Okay, cool. So thank you, Rebecca. Everyone, round of applause for Rebecca, okay? Yay!

Okay, and go ahead and mute yourself again, Rebecca. We're gonna bring out the next person. We're gonna go for about another five to seven minutes and then we may need to grab one of you guys later on. But we'll pull you out next time if we don't pull you out this time to do something else. One of the things I want you to notice is I want you to notice that as she was talking to me, one of the things, I wasn't repeating back everything she said.

I was listening specifically, and if you missed it, I was listening specifically for where her voice slowed down, the voice becomes a little bit breathier, the face showed a little bit of emotion, the gestures became a little bit more emphatic, where she really, I call it sitting on a word with your voice, it's like family. Sounds different than, well, yeah, family, and other things, you know, it's like family. My father, right? And when you go back, you can actually hear it, and you may need to play it a couple of times to train your ear to hear the words that people are sitting on the most. I might even miss it sometimes now, but I tell you what, I miss it a lot less than I used to because I've trained my ear not only to listen to words, but to listen to the voice tone and I've trained my eyes to watch for changes in color and changes in facial expressions and changes in lots of little things.

Now, you may not know exactly what to listen for, but I'm giving you a hint right now. You wanna listen for where the voice drops in tone, where the words get really slowed down and emphasized, and where the gestures also match that, right? So those are the words that you wanna feedback and ask why about. So if you're wondering why did he ask about that and not about something else, that is exactly what you need to focus in on. Okay.

Okay. Well, that's okay. So who's next? I wanna know who came on next. So Tara, tell me who we're pulling out next.

We can pull out Yash next. Are you ready, Yash? Let's do it. Now, Yash says that he may not be, Yash says that he may not be totally clear on his goal. So I'm gonna, go ahead and unmute yourself, Yash.

And I don't know if I'm pronouncing your name right. So if I'm pronouncing your name wrong, you gotta forgive me here. Yeah, hi, my name is Yash. That's how you say it, Yash. Oh, Yash.

Okay, so I'm at least close, right? So Yash, I'm gonna ask you a few questions about your goals. I'm gonna turn off my camera here in just a minute so I can help you to the best of my ability. And do I have permission to ask you some questions about your goals and help you get clear on your motivation? Absolutely, yes.

Okay. Now, I may be asking you a similar or the same question several times, and is it okay if I ask you like a mildly repetitive question five to seven times? Yeah, yeah. I just wanna make sure that I'm moving you in the direction that you actually wanna move, and so I may need to repeat myself just a little bit. Is that okay?

Yeah, that's fine. Okay, now I'm just gonna say as an aside, if Yash is actually not very clear on his goal, I may not get much into his motivation, and I may give him some tasks to help him clarify his goal between this time and next time. And for those of you that are already in an accountability group or a power group of five, if you have someone in that group who is not clear on their goal, help them. Help them by lovingly helping them set a deadline to set a goal. Like, nobody needs longer than 24 hours to set a goal.

If you don't know what you want, you can get there in 24 hours. I mean, and people say, well, I don't know what the right thing to pick is. What I say is if you don't know what to pick, I'm gonna ask you to pick something. Now, Yash, I'm not gonna give you 24 hours. I'm gonna give you like by the end of our conversation to figure out what you wanna do.

Is that okay? Yeah. Yeah, and I'll help you get there. So I'm gonna help you do that. But for those of you that are listening that aren't being coached right now, you have 24 hours to set a goal if you don't have one.

If you don't know what the right thing is to do, pick something. You will know what the wrong goal is by picking something that is the wrong goal and going for it and then needing to course correct. So sometimes the way to get to where you need to go is by going somewhere else. That means you don't have to get it perfect. So Yash, I'm gonna go ahead and turn off my camera just so I can focus completely on you.

And again, Tara, if you can just keep him, if you can keep him in the, you know, in the screen so that everybody can see him. And if you're at home watching and you'd clicked on me, make sure you click on Yash so that you can actually see him and follow his body language and his voice tone. And your camera's a little fuzzy, Yash, but I'm gonna do the best I can. Is that all right? Yeah, yeah.

And Rebecca, I may ask you to turn off your camera just because it's a little distracting here for the audience so that's okay. So just click your camera, there you go. And we'll be good there. So, okay, Ian Live says they can't see it. Perfect.

So Yash, tell me, what is it that you want? The thing that I'm putting my mind on right now is to help my dad and my family from the situation that I'm in right now. I just want to make them happier, that's my goal. So your goal is to help your dad and your family with their situation? Yeah, and make them happy.

And to make them happy? Okay. Now, again, I'm gonna point out, and I'm just gonna take a little aside here for the audience. If I was coaching him and he didn't actually have his specific direction in place, I would slow down for a little while and help Yash get a little bit more clear about that than he is right now. I am gonna actually ask him a clarifying question just because I'm not sure that Yash knows what that means either, okay?

But Yash, when you say that you want to help your dad and your family with their situation, do you know what that means? Is that like a financial goal? Is that like a physical comfort goal? Tell me a little bit more about that. Yeah, so helping my dad is both financial goal and physical goal, physical and mental goal to bring him back to his sense of himself.

Financially, because he's currently buying the new store right now and he needs help financially to pay the money to actually buy the store from the person that you're buying for reason that I want to help him so he doesn't have to ask other people for money or from bank loans. And also physically because I want to see my happy instead of worrying about everything all the time. That's my goal. Yeah, so I don't know if it's on everybody's end but you cut out just a little bit as you were going through that. So I want to make sure I hear the most important thing.

So really, you want to help your dad with the situation that he's going through. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. Well, tell me Yash, that sounds like a very worthy goal. Why is it important for you to help your dad with what he's going through?

If I help him to work on that goal and he'll be more happy and he won't be worrying about more stuff or to pay off checks from other people that he bought money to get into the store, that's the main reason that I want to help him. I'm not sure that I understood you. Can you repeat that? Yeah, so if I help my dad, the thing that will bring him will be happiness and the main reason I want to help him is to pay for his store so he doesn't have to worry about that, that's my reason. So you want to help him not worry about it and to be happier.

No, I want to help him not worry about finances for the new store. Oh, your voice cut out there for a second. What was that? For finances of the new store that he's buying. For finances to make sure that he's fine?

Yeah. That's a worthy goal, for finances to make sure that he's fine. Yash, tell me, why is it important for you to make sure that his finances are fine? It's important to me personally because if everything is going fine with him, then I will see him much happier in his everyday life and just seeing him happier just makes me personally happy. I want you to step into that happiness for just a moment.

Imagine that you've achieved that happiness, that your father is happy and that you're happy and he doesn't have to struggle anymore. Okay. Tell me, why is that important to you, to be happy like that? Oh, I didn't catch your question. You didn't hear the question or you can't understand the question?

I can understand it. Okay, can I repeat it in a different way? Would that be okay? Yeah. Yeah?

So I want you to imagine that moment has happened where you've already helped your father be happier. Can you imagine that? Yeah. Really be there. Step into the moment where you have enough finances, he has enough finances, he doesn't have to struggle and he's happier and you've done that.

What is that like? It's just, there is no words to explain that moment. Because everything is going perfectly. It's just hard to describe that. How does it feel when I'm there?

Yeah, it's hard to describe how you feel. Where do you feel it in your body? Head, heart, belly, your hands? Where's the feeling? I got goosebumps when I think about it.

So I don't know what it's from. Yeah, goosebumps, right? And so tell me, just as you think about having those goosebumps, as you think about having that happiness, why is that important for you? That's important for me because I can prove myself and I can also prove that I was able to do this and I can do this to help him and be more happy. That's why it's more important to me.

Proving yourself is important. Yeah, proving myself and seeing his happiness is important. Yeah. So proving yourself and seeing his happiness. So one more time, just for a moment, step into the future for just a moment.

Step into the future when you have proved yourself. It's already done. You have proved yourself and you are seeing his happiness. Why is that important for you? Why is that important for you?

The reason I got it is that it gives me inner peace. Yeah. Can you repeat that? You broke up a little bit. It gives me inner peace.

You broke up a little bit. I couldn't hear you. What was that? Yeah, when I thought about it, it gives me inner peace. Yeah, I'm sorry, the web connection cut out.

It might be on my end. I'm not sure, but can you repeat what you just said one more time and I apologize about that? Oh, he froze. We may have just lost him. Yeah, when I stepped into that moment and thought about it for a second, it gives you inner, okay, yeah.

So, Yash, you're saying it gives you inner peace. Now, we're gonna go ahead and pause right now just for time, because I promised these gals that we'd get them off about an hour and 15 max after we started, but tell me, how much motivation are you feeling right now if zero represents no motivation and 100 represents total motivation? 99.9%, 100%. Yeah, so it's gone. Where did it start at the beginning of the conversation?

How high was your motivation? It was 50, below 50. Yeah, below 50. So, it's gone from fairly low or moderate to very, very high. Yash, I want you to do the same thing tonight.

I want you to go ahead and write out. I want you to write out all of your why and I want you to write out that moment when you have really proved to yourself and proved to your father that you can do this. And just write out what that's gonna be like and write it out in great detail, what you see, what you hear, what you feel in that moment. Will you do that? Yeah, yeah, I will do that.

And anytime you find your energy lowering or anytime you find your motivation waning, I want you to come back to that and read it so that you can re-motivate yourself. Will you do that? Yep, yeah. Okay, thank you. Okay, thank you, Yash.

Okay, so just for like one minute, I'm gonna pull out just, Kay, I'm gonna pull you out just so you know that we haven't ignored you. So if we could just unmute Kay and then we're gonna go and, we are gonna wrap up here pretty quick, okay? But Kay, I'm gonna do something here for you just so that you know that I appreciate you coming out. Thanks, Will. Yeah, I'm glad you're here.

How are you? I'm good, how are you? Yeah, good, I'm doing really good. So Kay, I wanna make sure you're taken care of. So is it okay if we just bring you out first next week for whatever we're working on with the goal setting process?

Is that all right? Yeah, definitely, yeah, that's fine. Okay, that's cool. Now, how is your motivation right now? Is your motivation already high or is it low?

Oh yeah, I'm like at 110% right now. So, and just listening to Rebecca and Yash, I was kinda going over it, but in my, with my goals. Yep. So yeah, I went from, like I was already at 100, but then I just shot way up, so. Shot way up.

I want you to do the same thing, Rebecca. Rebecca, sorry. Kay, I want you to go ahead this week and I want you to take time to go through your goals and I want you to think about why and I want you to just do the five whys with yourself. Write a paragraph. This is why it's important.

And this is how you do this for yourself, for self-coaching. You write out a paragraph that says, this is why I wanna do it. Then what you do is you read that paragraph and a paragraph just can be like three sentences or four sentences. Then what you do is you look at the things and you highlight or you circle the words that are most important to you and then you write another paragraph about why that's important to you. You do that five times.

Does that make sense? Yes. I got it. Okay, cool. So I'd like to have you do that.

Now, so Kay, we're gonna pull you out first next time and we're gonna make sure that you get that and Tara already said that she's gonna reach out and she's gonna message you. So I just wanted to acknowledge you for coming out and I wanna say thank you for being willing to be coached. Thank you. Hey, thank you. All right, so let's go ahead.

I'm gonna go ahead and just wind things up. I wanna give you guys an assignment and I wanna know, I'm gonna be posting a post here in just a minute with the assignment for the upcoming week and I want also in the comments to that video that I'm gonna post here in just a few minutes, I want you to post out what your major learning was about motivation or about anything tonight. What did you learn that really made a big difference for you? And if you can post that in the comments. Posting it in the comments is a way of teaching it and teaching is a way of retaining learning.

So when you know what it is that you learned, make sure you write that down in the comments so that you can lock in that learning for yourself. And I'll have that video up in like 10, 15 minutes, just as long as it takes me to cut it. Here's your assignment for the next week. Your assignment for the next week is to get with at least one person and to have them do the exercise on you and to have you do the exercise on them. So you wanna do the five Y technique.

Set it up by saying, hey, is it okay if I help you find your motivation? Is it all right if I ask you a question that might sound a little bit repetitive? As you ask the question, watch carefully their body language and their voice tone. Grab a hold of the key phrases that they emphasize and then feed that back to them and then ask them why. Or like he's taught me to do with Yash, what I had him do is I had him step into that moment and imagine already having that.

Okay, that's like a sneak preview for what we're gonna do next time. I'll make that a little bit more explicit as we go along. Step into it. Be there. Notice what it's like.

Use your language in a way to have them imagine that they've already had that experience of being motivated, of having proved to their father, of having done something for their family, of having proved it to themselves or whatever's really important to them. Have them step into that to see it, hear it, and feel it. Now notice what's important about that or why is that so important, right? And as you do that, you're gonna find you get better results. So that's the thing.

If you are not in an accountability group and you wanna be in one, make sure that you post a comment on the video that I'm gonna post and you say, hey, I actually wanna be in an accountability group. If you got in late to Project Titan, if you haven't found a group of people to help you run, it doesn't matter what their goals are. Your goal could be a relationship goal, another person's goal could be a health goal, and then another person's goal could be a financial goal. Your job is not so much to have the same goals as your partner's. Your goal is to help everybody commit to their daily action steps and to get really clear on what they're doing.

So I love you guys, I'm glad you guys showed up. I look forward to seeing you next Tuesday, same time, same place, and there will be more learnings around motivation and we'll probably be talking the whole hour again on additional motivation strategies because motivation is one of the keys to helping people achieve what they want. We'll see you guys next week.