Module 12: Uncover Motivation

We're back, and it's good to have you back. We have just got done talking about the first two phases, and let me just go ahead and write these up on the board. These are the first two phases, really, of ethical influence. And phase number one is cooperation and rapport. So we want to get people helping us, and the most clever way to get people to help us is just to ask them.

Hey, is it all right if I ask you a few questions to find out if there's a good fit between you and me to make sure I'm the right guy to help you out and have this giant breakthrough? Yeah, that'd be great. Then the easiest way to get rapport is to listen. So we want you to listen as you're talking to people, and that's an attitude as much more than it is a technique. So we start off with cooperation and rapport.

Then the second thing we do is we want to help the client deeply connect to their why. And there was a question that came up as we went on break, and the question was, well, what if somebody has a more negative motivation? What if they say something like, well, I don't want to be controlled? Which is kind of what we heard. That's exaggerated.

That's not how he said it. But I don't want to be controlled. Would you ask why about that? And the answer is absolutely. Again, when we're talking about motivation, we want to find out why.

It will actually help out our cause. It'll help us to determine whether or not the client is wanting what we have or whether the client doesn't want what we have. So we connect them to the why. What's the technique that we used here? Was there a comment?

Question? Yep. I think this is... You asked too many questions. No, that's fine.

This is actually... I'm curious here. Where would you, if you're talking about negative motivation, where would you draw a line between seeking for motivation and somebody just complaining and being negative? Does that question make sense? Yeah, yeah.

So the question is, essentially, what's the difference between complaining and what's the difference between just I'm negative? The energy. Here's the real thing that I'm looking for. I'm going to give you the clever shortcut. The technique is five whys, but you don't have to ask why five times.

If the person gets angry, could anger be their motivation? Yeah. What we're doing is we're asking questions until we look for something that appears to have a motivating force for the client. So you don't really want to get into a whining fest with the client, but what you want to do is you want to hear a deep level of emotion. Now what types of things motivate people?

Fear motivates people, right? In this case, we had a don't want to be controlled. I don't want to be controlled. Just me repeating back the words, like he's almost ready to jump out of the chair, right? I mean, he's like, he's done, he's done.

And so that is what we're looking for. We're looking for a change in the client's emotional state. And when the client's emotional state changes, and it's a big change, whether it's fear, or whether it's anger, or whether it's shame, or whether it's love, we have tapped into the motivation. Then we don't need to let the person go on. At that point, it may even be appropriate, depending on who the client is.

I have clients where I realize that they like to just talk for a very, very long time. I think an appropriate amount of time is fine, but there are people who, if you just ask one question and you don't intervene, an hour later, they're still talking, right? At some point, you might need to say, well, I want to keep us on track, and I want to make sure we're really connecting you to your motivation. Can I just repeat back what I'm hearing? And then there'll be some people that are a little harder to contain because they want to go on for a long time.

Did that help out? Yeah. Okay, great question. Round of applause for them. Okay.

But you're going to have an internal sense, whether it's complaining or not. But typically speaking, I want to hear somebody out a little bit, and I want to connect them to that motivation, because sometimes people are motivated for angry or fearful reasons. And some people say, well, that's not right. Well, it's what's motivating them, right? I didn't make up the motivation.

I didn't put it in there. I want to help the client. Unless I know how to move them, I can't move them. I think it's okay to start from a place of anger or from a place of fear, but I don't want to keep the client there either. I want to help the client out of that over time so that they can step into a greater abundance really in their life.

So that's where we're at. So we're into cooperation rapport. The technique here is five whys. The next step is to help the client make a bridge between what their motivation is, what their hot words are. What's a hot word?

A word that they emphasize with their body language or with their voice tone. And we're going to link those. If it's appropriate, this is really important, if it's appropriate, if you can actually help, if you can actually make a difference in the client's life, then it is your job to teach them how there is a bridge between what they're doing and what you're doing. Where their motivation is and what your passion is. And you just link them.

That's it. So I'm going to show you how to do that with coaching services and we're going to grab a second demonstration. But let's just think through it here for a minute. So let's go back to the hot words that John gave us. Is that alright?

So let's just list them out. What did you hear? What do you remember hearing? Disgusted. What other hot words did you hear?

Free spirit. Control. And specifically it was, I don't want to be controlled. I think sheeple was in there and that was probably less so. Where was the most energy out of everything you heard?

These two had a lot of heat on them. These are hot words. So now we have his motivation and now again, if you can ethically give him what he wants, now what we want to do is we want to make the bridge. Because right now, the reason he's in your office or the reason that he's on the phone with you or the reason that he has approached you about products or services is because he is stuck in disgust. He is stuck not having what he wants.

He's feeling controlled. And he's tried on his own to break out but he has not broken out. And so then the question is, are you going to leave him there? Because if you don't make a bridge between what you're doing and what he's doing, if you can honestly and ethically do it, you are leaving him to a lifetime of disgust, a lifetime of being controlled. And is that the right thing to do, honestly?

So you've got to think about it. If you have a solution to his problem and if you can help him get out of control, you've got to make that bridge. So how do you do it? Super easy, right? You just ask him.

John, if I could help you not be controlled anymore and become the free spirit that you really want to be, would you be interested in that? He's unconsciously giving me head nods yes over here, which is interesting. Not trying to, just because it's like, yeah, heck yeah. Show me how to do it. What do I got to do?

As long as there's a good match, he's going to move forward. And I've got to be able to do that boldly, okay? So that's all we're doing right now is linking. We're taking those two things and linking them. Then as I described my coaching program, I'd be like, here's what we're going to do for you, John.

We are going to help you stop the control. We're going to help you leave that behind, John, and we're going to help you become a free spirit. And that's exactly what this program is designed to do. Are you ready to take the next step? That's about it, right?

It's not that hard. Now, if there's some details of the program, this is where you go through features and benefits and other things, but you don't make the link until you've got the motivation. So what I want to do for the remainder of this segment is I want to do a third example. So this is where we link. And so for everyone, just to help you remember what we're doing here, put your hand on your heart.

What we're doing is we're helping the client connect to their heart deeply, deeply to their heart, not in a surface level, but down deep. We're getting down into the roots, right? We're not staying up on the surface. We're going for the roots. Once they're down in the roots of their heart, you'll see an emotional change or you'll hear it in the voice.

Once you get there, maybe you'll see it like in the color or something like that. When you see that, we go from the heart. Then what we do is we realize there's this giant gap between where they are and where they want to go. And our job, if we are being honest and ethical people, is to bridge the gap. So we make the link.

Everybody put your hands out without beating up your neighbor too bad, right? Okay, put your hands out. So here's where they are. Put your hands out at home. Here's where they are.

Here's where you want them to be. And that is how you influence people. So it starts in the heart, just like that. To the heart. And then we help them out.

That make sense? So I'd like a second person who'd like to come up and have an interesting experience. We're just going to do a little role play again so you can see how the process goes. I'd like to actually... Can I bring you up?

I'd like you to choose a tier. Okay? I'm not a volunteer, but everybody, round of applause for her. Okay? This is Michelle.

Michelle, look at the camera and say hi. Hi. Okay, we're so glad you're here. Thank you. And Michelle, I'd like you to sit wherever you're most comfortable.

If you'd like me on your right, sit in one chair. If you'd like me on the left, sit in the other. Would you like me here? Is that okay? Yeah.

Okay. And then I'm going to give you this. You need to think like a rock star and you need to hold it up close to the mouth. Is that all right? All right.

Yeah. Okay? Okay. So, again, we're going to role play as if you're coming in for coaching services, because that's what I provide. Now, if I was selling insurance or if my passion was, again, cooking, or actually, I know somebody back in Utah, and what she does is she helps people organize their refrigerators.

That's her passion. She's like awesome at it, right? She's like an awesome fridge organizer. And so, like, she would be having this about fridge organizing. But since I don't provide that service, it'll be more natural if we do, like, coaching services for, like, mental breakdowns.

Is that all right? Like, I can help you get your fridge in order, girl. Right? Okay. All right.

So, anyway, let's go ahead and let's just think through it. You can do it with a real issue or you can do it with something that's more role play if you want to keep safe. Okay? Okay. But even if you go into role play, think about somebody that you know.

And I know these chairs twist and turn a little bit, so I feel like I'm a little off balance. But before we start, I just want to make sure, Michelle, that I'm the right guy to help you out. Okay. And that, legitimately, I have a way to help you break through and have the kind of experience that you want. Okay.

Okay? So, is it okay if I ask you a few questions? Yes. To make sure you're in the right place? Yes.

So, tell me, Michelle, what is it that you want? I want more time to be with my family. You want more time to be with your family? Yes. Why do you want more time?

I want to have more influence on my children. You want to have more influence on your children. Yeah. And tell me, and I want you to be honest here, if you can, because I promise to be totally honest with you if you're totally honest with me, okay? And I want to make sure I can help you.

And I promise to only help you if I really can. Okay. Is that all right? Yes. So, why do you want to have more influence on your children?

I want them to be the best versions of themselves. I want to see them succeed. You want them to be the best versions of themselves. Yes. You brighten up nicely.

Yes. Thank you. Yeah. Because that's important to you, isn't it? Yes.

Just imagine your children for a moment. And imagine that they have become the best version of themselves because you've influenced them. Yeah. What's that like? It feels freeing to me.

It feels like I'm fulfilling what I'm meant to do. Yeah. It's freeing for you. Yeah. Tell me a little bit more about that, what it's like to feel that freeing feeling.

It's hard to explain. You can feel it, though. I can feel it. Yeah. I can see it in your face.

Right? And I don't know if the camera can pick this up, but I see a little quivering. Do you feel a little quivering in your mouth? Yes. Yes.

Can you see that? Yeah. And what I think that probably means, you'll have to tell me, but it looks like this is really important to me. Yes. Yeah.

It's almost too hard to explain. It is hard. But why do you want to have that freeing feeling? I want to feel fulfilled. Fulfilled.

Yeah. So, you want a freeing feeling, and you want to be fulfilled, and being a good parent and influencing is really important to you. Yes. If I could help you do that, would you like me to show you how? Yes.

Okay. So, what I've got is I've got a coaching program. And in this program, what I want to do is I want you to really free yourself and to learn how to influence your children in a way that will not only change their lives this year, but it will change them for their whole entire life, so that you can have an influence that goes beyond their life into the lives of their children. I want to help you change. Tell me, if I can show you how to do that, are you ready to take the next step forward?

Yes, I'm ready. You're ready? Yes. Okay. We'll pause for a minute here.

Okay. Round of applause for her. Okay. You're going to hang out for a second. Okay.

Okay. Again, easy or hard? Who says it's easy? Raise your hand. Okay.

This is easy. Raise your hand high. Is this easy? Yeah, this is easy, right? This is easy because this is influence with no resistance.

This is saying, I'm not going to give Michelle something she doesn't want. Now, if I'm going to provide her with a coaching program, I darn well better be able to deliver on what I promise her. That's the ethical side of it. If you can't do it, you've got to say, hey, listen, you want to influence your kids? You would be better off going over here and visiting John, because John can teach you how to do that.

But if I can do it, and right now she feels like she doesn't have the influence she wants with her kids, and I don't provide it to her, what I'm doing is I am literally denying her the ability to have that kind of influence with her kids. And so then it becomes my ethical responsibility to step into my power and to say, I will do everything I can to help you do that. And here's what you need to do next. Okay? Is that all right?

Now, let's talk about from a hot word standpoint, okay? I didn't slow down as much that time, but I saw the signs and followed the words. Who thinks I followed the right words? Raise your hand if you do. Okay.

How do you know that I followed the right words? For those of you that are here in the studio, what did you see or what did you hear that let you know that I was following the right words? Okay? Yeah, you were repeating back the words that you thought were her hot words that she was really driving in on, so that's the one that you picked up on. Okay.

Let's pass out the microphone here for a second. So I'm going to repeat that back. So he said I was repeating back, I was repeating back the words that I was hearing from her, and they were the words that she had emphasized, right? So I'm repeating back the exact words. Notice when I get a hot word, I don't paraphrase that.

I might paraphrase the pieces in between, but once I get a hot word, I pretty much just feed that back. That word is loaded with emotion, and if you change it a little bit, it might be okay, but if you change it a lot, usually the client will disconnect. So repeat the stuff that's not hot, but the stuff that's hot, you want to feed that back to them just like they give it to you. Does that make sense? Okay?

She had a skin tone change, posture change, her voice tone lowered. Yeah, so skin tone change, posture change, her voice lowered. When people go into the sacred space of the heart, you can hear it, right? You can hear it. I'll grab that back for you.

Thank you. What you'll hear is you will hear the voice, usually it becomes more open, more breathy. Listen to the difference. Yeah, love is important to me. Love is important to me.

Which one's more important? Second. Second, right? So you can get fooled by a word. A word will sound important, but how you know it's actually important is when the client drops the voice, and their voice gets kind of open and breathy.

And you can hear it. It's like, oh, they've just dropped into the sacred space of their heart. And that's how you know that the client's gone down deep into the heart. So when she started to talk about her children and influence, it's like her mouth started to quiver and her skin tone changed and her voice dropped. And that would be to me the sign that she had just dropped down into the heart and I've got real motivation.

I've got something with real teeth in it. And now again, I've got to ask the question, can I help her bridge that gap? Because if I can't help her bridge that gap, I've got to go find this woman help. Because she wants help. But if I can do it, it then becomes, and I believe this is a sacred responsibility, becomes a sacred responsibility for me to help her bridge that gap.

So this is awesome stuff. We're going to go ahead and wind up with this. But remember, let's go ahead and just hold onto this here for a second. We're going to leave you right here for a quick minute. So remember, first thing that we do is we're establishing that connection.

Then once we get the connection, we help people drop into the heart. Put your hand up on the heart. Then we get there. Once we've got that deep heart connection with the person, we realize there's a gap. Put your hands up.

There's a gap. Okay, as far as I can go. There's a gap. There's a giant gap. There's a chasm between where the client is and where the client wants to be.

And it is our job, bring your hands together, to make a link between what they want and what we have. Why? Because it is in that link that we help the person change their mind and change their heart. In the case of Michelle, change generations of her family as she learns to be a more influential mom. And that is powerful.