Fear (Part 2)
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
This is a continuation of Fear, you can find Fear (part 1) here.
So as I said my husband was going to miss the birth of his babies. I knew that even though they were desperately trying to stop the labor. And that they had contacted Red Cross this was not going to get him here soon enough.
When the pain really started about 8 something in the morning I was in my own birthing room. I had an epidural. I was not crazy enough to think that I was going to go through this without pain relief once the contractions started getting intense.
My Aunt had shown up because Kat had called her and I had everyone rushing in and out to take care of me. I puked up blue raspberry popsicle and made my Aunt sick, something I never thought would happen because she had 9 kids. Thought nothing could make her sick.
And then my husband got to call. I was crying and in a lot of pain, he keep telling me I was not making sense. My Aunt said it must have been him because she thought I was making perfect sense and did not sound weird. Goofy man made fun of me and I felt completely alone all over again. They were flying him out. He told me to try and hold on. I was going to, but even then I knew that was not going to happen.
Now I had wanted to enroll in Lamaze classes to know how to relax during labor. They had told me I had to wait till I got to my 27th week. Like that did me any good at this point. So my Aunt tried to help me focus on something other than the pain and my fear. So she asked me what I wanted to focus on. I told her Fey, you know fairies. I was thinking of the fierce warriors and art pictures I used to put up as backdrops on my computer at home. She started describing something more like Tinker Bell from Disney and the irony was not lost on me. Here I was about to leave that whole world of fierce adulthood, the freedom to do what I want. And trade it in for all Disney all the time. I was not upset about it. It just really hit home that I was about to be a mom.
Then the fear of being a mom and realizing I might lose one or both of my babies griped me hard for a minute. And as my Aunt kept talking of the little people in the wonderfully huge tree I heard it. It was not a hallucination it was a voice of pure love and calm. Not her voice something inside of me, speaking to me. I heard in that instant that all was going to be fine. This was for the protection of all involved and that my babies would live. They would make it home. In that moment the whole thing changed. Yes I was still scared, but more from not being in control of the situation and not as much as about everything going to be okay.
He decided he was not going to wait anymore.
After apologizing to everyone that came in for crying and screaming, it happened. My son decided it was his time to make an entrance. Exactly 12 hours after breaking his pool he was making his way into the world. Now everyone thought I was crazy. I would not let them move me. I crab walked in labor with an epidural from my bed to the operating table. (I know as bad as driving myself to the hospital.) They got me laid down and then I sort of half pushed and there was my son. My precious tiny little boy. I saw him for a second and he was gone, rushed away to the NICU.
The labor started to slow. So the doctor made a crazy decision. He cut off and sewed shut the umbilical cord as close to the placenta as possible and waited. The labor stopped long enough for them to decide to send me back to my room. Now the plan was to try and keep my daughter in for as long as possible.
Every hour gave the NICU staff time to get my son settled and taken care of and around 5 they came to tell me they had gotten him stabilized. At 5:50 exactly 3 and ½ hours after her brother my daughter decided to make her entrance and since they knew I did not need a C section this time. I got to stay in my room. And as soon as she was born off she went to join her brother.
They would spend the next few months in the NICU and my husband would be staying down home due to their health issues. But I will stop here as I want to point out something to you about fear.
Life is going to offer you challenges how are you going to handle them?
This whole post has been to illustrate a point of how you choose to address fear in your life. It does not matter whether that fear has something to do with your business or has to do with something more personal like your relationship.
We all have fear, what makes us different is how we use that fear. We can either us it to be the greatest excuse as to why we cannot do something. Or instead we can use that fear to make us do some amazing things. Now I am not telling nor advocating driving yourself to the hospital in preterm labor, but sometimes we do what needs to be done. And that is what I am talking about; you need to be able to take a risk sometimes for the thing that is needed. If you fail so what you tried and that got you further than you were before.
I also suggest surrounding yourself with a support team that will be there beside you as you do whatever it is that you fear. It does not matter if they agree with you, they just have to have your back and be there for you.
The difference between most normal people and an entrepreneur is one thing. Entrepreneurs take risks when others won’t because they know that if the risk pays off it pays big. Success is not over night. It is not without failures along the way. And all success still has to be worked at and maintained. Tackle your fear and just do it already.
As always to your freedom!
Gen Horrall
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