9 Ways to Overcome Complaining: Regain Control

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

Do you ever find yourself complaining? Or find yourself whining about your circumstances?

If so you’re not alone. Many people fall into this habit from time to time, myself included.  I used to complain about my life not being how I wanted it to be.I used to complain about the way the world is set up, how it functions, etc. I used to complain about all kinds of injustices I felt were done against me.

But after a while the whole “it’s not fair” attitude just gets old. I started realizing this thinking was not doing me any good. In fact it was keeping me down to some degree.
What I started realizing is sure the world is not perfect. People aren’t perfect. Even the way the society functions is far from perfect. We have a lot of room for improvement collectively. To keep doing things the same old way, is not really a good option in my mind. There is a call right now for us to evolve to a higher level.

Will we accept this call? I have no idea. But there is one thing that is certain – change is possible, and a desire for something different is burning inside of people.

#1 Hit The Gym

Exercise is essential to you being at your best. According to this article from a Health Magazine cardiovascular exercise alone improves memory, problem solving, and decision making components of the brain. It sends more blood to the brain allowing it to get an increase in oxygen and nutrients, helping it perform better. Running or any cardiovascular exercise is also associated with lowering stress levels and getting people out of ‘funks’. Not to mention your body releases chemicals and hormones during exercise some which play a part in mood regulation.

So If you find yourself complaining more than usual, or your mood seems lower than usual, it could be that you need to hit the weights or go for a run.

# 2 Connect With Someone

Another reason you may fall into a bad mood from time to time is when you feel isolated and alone. These are feelings all people experience from time to time. Even though it’s true it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

But it is good to know other people battle with these same feelings of loneliness at times. Today in the modern society sometimes people can feel alone. They go to their job and their friends each go to their’s. It can be a little disheartening. Some say, “That’s just the way it is.” But is there really no better way?

In one study low social interaction and engagement can have the equivalent effect on one’s health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (Holt-Lunstad, 2010). I don’t know about you but that’s pretty f’ed up. Guess that’s why it is good to reach out to a friend. I’ve noticed it to be especially helpful if you connect with someone who has similar goals and interests.

Connecting with a friend can lower stress according to the Cleveland Clinic. When you talk to a friend it helps you realize other’s are going through similar things. Also it can feel good to talk to someone who has similar ideals themselves.  Not to mention it’s nice to have a network of people you can rely on who have your back.

#3 Ask Yourself Questions

If you find you are complaining about your situation it is useful to ask the question, “What can I do about it?”

This is an empowering question and puts you back in control. I use it every now and again when I can remember. Complaining doesn’t really do any good. Sure things may not be perfect, either may people, but that is how it is. Accept the situation for what it is.

Accept people for who they are. Not everyone will share your point of view. If you find you are on a path to self growth and others seem satisfied more or less staying where they are, you may want to connect with people who have similar ambition as you.

#4 Assert Yourself

We live in a passive aggressive society. You may have a lot of stuff to say about people’s behavior. This and that. The effects their behavior has upon you. Many people mean well, but they do not always know what is best for you.

At some point it is essential you draw a line and say to yourself, “This is my life.” Some people do not know their boundaries, and will try to walk on you and control you, whether consciously or unconsciously (usually unconsciously).

If someone is crossing the line, you can say, “Thanks for caring about me, but I’m going to do “x, y, z.” You don’t have to do what people say just to be polite. You can assert yourself and do what you want to do.  I’ve noticed if someone is restless and bored it is because they are trying to control the outside world (including other people).

The only thing you and I have total control of is inside our own selves (behaviors, responses, decisions, etc). The inner world, we cannot control the outer world. People can do whatever they want to do. Also we resent it when other people try to control us, because we are not anyone else’s property we are our own people. You are capable of making your own decisions.

If someone tries to make a decision for you, or tell you what to do, I recommend asserting your own self and your own needs. Or else they may go unmet, and that is not a fun space to be in.

#5 Challenge Behavior

Sometimes we have habits or we repeat behaviors which do not serve us.  A big part of winning over your own self respect is ‘integrity’.

Say one of your ideals is to be fit. You have a desire to be fit. That’s awesome I think it is super important to get clear on your ideal, because if your not your behavior may start feeling sloppy and careless.  Okay so you want to be fit. Now here is they real question are you going to commit to becoming fit?

That may mean exercising three or four times a week, and only having a handful of ‘cheat meals’. If fitness is not that important to you, you won’t commit to it. So you have to find out what is important to you and commit to it. Maybe you value time spent with friends, so what steps could you take to insure you spend more time with friends.

You could start building an online business, so you could generate full time income while spending only 2-3 hours per day, and spending more time with the people you care about, doing what you want. Or you could invent something useful, produce it, patent it, and figure out how to promote it.  It all depends on what you want, and what you are willing to sacrifice in order to get that/ there.

#6 Integrity, Alignment, and Congruence

Many people work and work and work. They work very hard and they are still unhappy. According to Gallup (a Washington, D.C.-based polling organization) found that 87% of people are emotionally disengaged in the workplace.

In the U.S 52% percent report feeling ‘blah’ while 13% hate their work. While these numbers are better compared to the average – 65% in U.S. unhappy compared to overall average 87% (in workplace), they are still far from good or awesome.

I believe a big portion of this stems from what people call ‘being out of alignment’. Let’s say what is important to you is your freedom and your independence, and being around the people you care about.Then, in order to make an income you must spend a 40-50 hours doing stuff you don’t want, being somewhere you don’t want to be, around people you don’t particularly ‘care’ about.

It can begin to feel like you are committing a crime against yourself. This is the opposite of having integrity to your values and ideals. This in-congruence is what I believe is the cause for a great deal of emotional unrest and turmoil within people. Nothing feels good about putting your own needs on the back burner.

I have this belief along with many others that we all are equals. No one person being any more great or worse than anyone else. So if you find you constantly going to a job where you are being bossed around like some muppet you may come to resent it, especially if you have entrepreneurial bug within you.

#7 Commit To Change

You can complain all day and night. But unless you are willing to do something different nothing will change. Sure your situation may not be ideal. Sure you may be in a job you feel is below you.  You may feel like you are not using all of your talents. Sure you may feel like you are in the habit of giving your energy to other people. But unless you do something different things will stay more or less the same.

If I want to get better at the guitar, but I am unwilling to commit to practice it on a regular basis, then nothing changes. I would only be at the level of desire. Not until I commit to practicing it several hours a week would I begin to see different results.

Maybe you are in the 13-35% who are actually happy with your career if so more power to you. But if not what are you doing to change things?
Because you can sit and whine all day and night, feeling sorry for yourself, and I promise you that won’t change a thing.

Sure it is easy to be overcome with emotion and allow your emotions to get the best of you, anyone can live like that. But if you want to be in control, you have got to get a grip over your emotions. You cannot allow them to take over and hi-jack your mind and body. If so you will be like a tiny sail boat in a stormy sea, being thrown all over the place, at mercy of emotion.

You may have ‘loud’ emotions your body is trying to communicate something with you. That what you have been doing has not been working. If you’re experiencing that you can ask yourself, “What am I actually trying to accomplish?” By getting clear on your intention, you will be taking a stand for yourself, and your body will begin to relax. Do you really want a job, or do you actually want to be free and live life on your own terms?

#8 Give

In order to stay in control, it’s best to control your thoughts. One of my favorite books on the subject is by Thomas Hamblin “The Power of Thought“. In the book he discusses how we should not ask what can we can get, but how he can serve.

This mindset shift is great because it puts you back in a resourceful position. When you are operating from ‘want’ and “what can I get” your energy will be that of lack and neediness. But when you shift your attitude to “What can I give” you automatically become more open and abundant internally. This is what is meant by the idea “success must happen on the inside first.”

Think about someone very successful, let’s say Bill Gates. Okay, about 90% of the people with computers use windows (the operating system he is credited with creating). He’s as wealthy as he is, not because of ‘luck’ but because he serves as many people as he does. There is an important distinction I want you to realize there- he didn’t chase the money first, he served the needs of people and the money followed. You don’t get reward for nothing.

Many people want to make more money, and want to become rich. Because when you are rich you are privileged to a higher quality of life, compared to most people. But few ever climb to such great level of success. Because ‘want’ won’t get you anywhere. Most wealthy people are in the habit of ‘giving’ more value into the marketplace, compared to their peers.

In his book Rich Dad Poor Dad Robert Kiyosaki says whatever you want, give it to others. He says something to the effect, “I think of all the things I feel are missing in my life, and I try to bring that to other people.” This is a powerful space to operate from without a doubt.

For example say you feel it is a ‘cold world’ we live in, this is something that many people say. On some levels it is true, but like anything you cannot put everything into one category. Some people create charities and desire to help the needy. While other people focus solely on themselves and their own needs. Some people build others up, some people tear others down. There are both examples prevalent in the world.

Anyway here is my point- if you wish people communicated more about things they actually care about, you can be the one who does that. That’s the basic idea “Be like how you wish others were.”

#9 Risk

There is no reward without risk. There is always a chance of failure no matter what you do. But if you constantly let the thought, “I could fail” hold you back, then you will never grow, and never move forward. The greatest pain I know is the pain that I am not moving forward in life.

Think of a professional athlete, they rise to the top, they outperform all of their competitors. They have put in tremendous amount of work. But still times during the process of them climbing to the top in their sport, a doubt might come up. “What if I’m not good enough.” “What if I get cut?”
“What if I fail.” There are two paths the athlete can make when these destructive thoughts come up..

They can either let that doubt get them down. Or they can be motivated by it. Practice harder, train harder, work harder, stay on the field longer. Doing everything in their power to insure that they reach their goal.

Sure the risk is still there. But they are not phased by it. Because their mind isn’t focused on failure. It’s focused on, “What do I need to do in order to be successful?”

Conclusion

There are many, many ways to step into your power. But at the heart of it lies personal responsibility. If you haven’t created the best up until now, that’s fine.  Much of our upbringing we are taught the all about “me mentality”. My success. My money. Me getting what I want.  We aren’t naturally very conscious to other people, let alone their needs, dreams, and goals.

So in short try to be more aware to the needs, dreams, and goals of other people. I once heard the saying, “Relationships are like roads.” Each party has their own interests, you’re going your way, other people are going there way.  You may want more adventure in your life, while someone else might want more stability.

You may may want to meet more people, impact more people, and break away from the ‘norm’. While someone else may simply want to wake up on their own time, and travel more.

Life is short, and to spend your time unwisely will create a lot of inner conflict for you. There is so much I don’t know. There are so many people that are smarter than me. But I know your most valuable assets are your time, energy, and attention. Society teaches us to be careless with these resources. “Give your time to other people.” You see young students sending information as to why employer x should hire them. That’s great if you are happy working for someone else, but not everyone is.

Know your worth.

Obviously not everyone is cut out for entrepreneurship and running their own business. It takes work. It takes accountability. It requires you to not buy into excuses. It takes some degree of sacrifice. Some people truly enjoy their job, and wouldn’t trade it for anything. That’s great.

But other people are in pain, they are tired of not feeling in control. They are tired of giving their energy to someone else. They need a business and a system will give them step by step instructions to have success. All they have to do is plug in, believe, and get to work.

Who?

Here is one woman Sarita KleesShe was brand new had no experience, followed the steps, and now she is able to spend a lot more time with her two young children.

Here is another person Chuck Marshall
can spend his time as he wants, with the people he wants.

Look if you feel this is not for you, that’s okay I recommend exiting and you can continue doing whatever you do. I’m just here to let you know there is another way, if you are open, interested, and have been looking for ‘another option’. Click here to get access to the system, go through the 8 fast start videos, and get started.

What are you going to do to insure 2015 is a year of change for you?