Of Men and Lightbulbs

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

This one is a re-post from SF7. An oldy, but goody that sparked a small war between Dylan and I. .  Hey! There’s nothing at all wrong with keeping your marriage a little (lot?) spicy. LOL!

Well, anyway, we laugh about it now, but I was, admittedly, (slightly?) irritated when I first wrote it.

Guys definitely deserve this. Even if we ladies do this kind of thing…on very few occasions…we still couldn’t hold a candle to the vagueness to what I call the “overly-vague-always-irritating-man-head-pointing-maneuver”.

Now,

I ask you to please study the similarities between this light bulb

and the back of this dude’s bald-ass head:

Observe the bald-ass head

Pretty similar in shape right?

One might say that if you removed the man’s ears, shoved a cord up his ass and plugged him into the wall….it would be EXACTLY THE SAME.

Now, the next question.

If I were to gesture at something with say,  a stick or a dowel, would you have a good idea of what it is I’m pointing at?

Most likely yes.

And if I were to gesture at something with say, an arrow, would you know what it is I was pointing at? Unless my eyes are off center that day, yes. Because that’s what arrows do…….. They point at things.

Are either the aforementioned light bulb or the bald-ass dude’s head shaped like a stick or an arrow?

No.

If I were to point to something with a lightbulb (round and bulbous in shape) would you know exactly what I was gesturing at or could my gesture possibly be construed as a more general, directional, type gesture?

If you said “general” you are correct.

BTW, “general” is the only right answer here. Unless you like sleeping on the couch.

Now, imagine my lightbulb pointer has been magnified, oh say, to the size of your goddamn head!  And imagine me vaguely gesturing at something in the room with my huge bulbous pointer the same size as your goddamn head and saying, “It’s right there.”

Would you know what it was I was gesturing to? Or, would you, like any practical woman wonder exactly which one of your hairs, or stubble or whatever it is you may have is pointing at whatever it is that I am looking for?

I hate to tell you this but YOU’RE PRACTICALLY POINTING AT THE WHOLE DAMN ROOM!!!

Here is something else to consider (men, still talking to you):

God gave you fingers.

Fingers resemble sticks, which, and I think we are all agreed, gets us pretty close to the target.

One of those fingers is even sometimes referred to as your “Pointer”.

Is it too much to ask that you use it?

And no comments about the other pointing appendage.  Most of the things the women folk are looking for,  do not require a divining rod.

Most likely, we just need the car keys.