You Did What With Who?

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

That is one question you did not want your parents asking you when you were a kid. The real question is what can we as parents and grandparents do to help guide our children down the right path? Or what can we as business people do to guide the people on our team?

I remember my dad often saying, “If there’s one thing I’m gonna teach you kids, it’s to be honest.” Well, all eight of us kids have grown up pretty well. My dad and mom had a clear vision of the values they wanted to impart to their offspring.

It starts there. What are your values and how do you teach your children to go down a similar path while pursuing their own dreams? I think Dad had it right when he emphasized honesty as the most basic core value. Everything else stems from this, this and integrity.

To be successful in life and in business requires that you have a reputation based on integrity. It must be built from learning how to tell the truth and how to stick to it in the most difficult of times.

“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” – Albert Einstein

Let’s start with basics. The dictionary defines integrity as “the steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.” Boy, that’s a mouthful. What does that really mean?

Modern day interpretation:

“Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.” – Oprah Windfrey

From ancient times:

“It’s so simple really: If you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you start something, finish it.” – Epictetus (Greek philospher, 55AD – 135 AD)

You’ll notice that from ancient times to modern day interpretation, the advice is essentially the same. Core values don’t change.

I really like what Barbara De Angelis has to say about integrity. I’m going to look at this from the point of view of how integrity affects your business. Barbara has broken it down into 5 points: “Living with integrity means:

Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.

Over my 35 years in home-based businesses I’ve seen people trying to get anybody they can into their business. They were operating from a lack perspective. They needed somebody, anybody to join with them so they could get started.

The problem with this is having people join you who don’t share your core values. If they don’t value you and what you have to offer, they will not do anything in their business at all.

Here’s where it is so important to place a high value on yourself. Don’t let just anybody join you. They have to want it for themselves. You want to build a relationship from the very beginning based on value. You deserve it and so do they.

Asking for what you want and need from others.

Ever go along blindly following somebody because they were successful? I’ve found (at least for me) that I have to have some understanding of what I’m doing. What comes next? How do I do this?

In business and everyday life we want to find a mentor, someone who is already successful at doing whatever it is you want to accomplish on your own. It must be someone who is willing to help you. You may need to pay for their time, take them to lunch, or hire a coach.

Many of the answers we need for those of us in Empower Network are to be found in our company products. The answers are there. We just have to look. However, if you have looked and can’t find the answers, then it’s time to ask for what you want and need.

Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.

Here we are back to honesty. There is a deeper level to it here though. There are times when your truth just doesn’t coincide with others truth. You find yourself in situations where you must stand firm no matter what happens.

I’ve found myself in this situation. It was really difficult. I had to do some serious thinking about what I was willing to do and/or willing to accept. In my case I chose to leave a job I loved because there were certain things which just crossed the line, my line of ethics and values. I was unwilling to compromise my core values.

You may run into this in your business. Someone may ask you to buy their way in. Someone else may want you to be making phone calls for them. Another may want you to give a presentation to their family and friends at their house.

My truth would have me saying, “Whoa there now! That’s not the way I do business. I cannot help you with those things.” If they persisted, I can stand firm in the knowledge of my truth and tell them, “Perhaps we aren’t a good fit.”

Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.

First off, I go back to Do you really know what your core personal values are? If not, I suggest you take the Passion Test. I’ve gone through Janet Bray Attwood’s course to become a facilitator. It really helps you get to the bottom of things.

Our priorities change as we go through life, so you will want to take the test over and over again to see if anything has changed for you.

Knowing these makes things so much simpler. Have you ever felt at odds with doing something particular? Usually it’s because there is something about it that does not resonate with what you truly believe.

Listen to yourself carefully. Start asking yourself questions to see if you can identify what feels wrong about it. When you do, you may find that it is a simple thing which can be easily remedied. You may need to ask for certain concessions.

Dave Wood illustrated this one time when he was describing how to build your dream. The example he gave was of a young man who was able to explain exactly what he wanted to achieve. Unfortunately there was just something holding him back. He felt resistant to actually working for his dream. It was only when it was pointed out that he had not included tithing in his dream that it be came clear. Tithing was essential to his faith. Without it, he could not move forward and become successful.

What is holding you back from building your business? Could it be that you are resistant to becoming successful because of a lack of tithing or whatever it is that is essential to you? It doesn’t even have to be a big thing. Taking massive action must be in harmony with your personal values for you to succeed.

Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.

Here is where I ask you to be your true authentic self. If that means you have to change your life around in ways you never expected, well, then that’s what you need to do…. in baby steps. Make one new choice based solely on what you believe is true for you. For example: I am one of those people who was always willing to help other no matter what it did to my schedule. I became burned out. I had to learn to say no instead of yes when others asked for help. I had to learn to honor myself, to realize that I had value without always doing.

You will find people in business who do this. They will set up your website, create graphics for you, make copies, whatever they think will help you get going on your own. They push themselves into a corner where their team will always expect this of them. They will believe that you will do whatever they want so they don’t have to do it themselves.

Not a good place to be. You want your team to be capable of building their own business. You want them to be able to teach and guide their own team without you doing it for them. If you made choices based on what others believe or expect of you, then you will not only be setting them up for failure, you will be tearing yourself down.

Integrity

“Living with integrity means:

• Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.
• Asking for what you want and need from others.
• Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.
• Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
• Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.

You Did What With Who? You won’t have to worry about that if you choose to stay in integrity with your authentic self.

What will you do now?