What is the secret to a long and happy marriage

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

These days it’s so easy for couples to break up and go their separate ways when they experience turbulence within their relationship as it seems that this is the easy option to take. However, within the last 12 months, researchers have claimed that divorce rates are plunging because modern men are more determined  to make their marriages work.

Men who marry have become more serious about their commitments and are less inclined to stray, according to a report from the Marriage Foundation.

Applications for divorce by women in the first three years of their marriage have apparently dropped by 51 per cent. It is well documented that couples are normally still in the brisk stages of passion and wanted to make each other happy within the first 3 years of marriage so unless couples have made a terrible mistake from day 1 of their marriage, the likelihood of divorcing within the first 3 years is not very high.

What makes a perfect happy marriage? Is it passionate love making at least twice a week? Is it pure companionship where you end up relying on each other as you would a sibling? Is it because you both have a strong commitment to making the marriage work because of the children? Is it because of your faith or because your parents always stayed together and you feel that you have to do the same? What ever the reasons, it does appear that a lot of couples are not putting their own happiness first as they are staying together for material/family reasons rather than just saying “I would be happier by myself or with someone else”.

Fifty years ago or more, couples were getting married and then staying together until death because that was the only thing to do. It didn’t mean that every couple was ecstatically happy, it just meant that it was the “only” thing to do. Then in the 90s it became more apparent that if a couple weren’t happy they would split up, no matter how much it would hurt the kids or they didn’t care what others would say. At the end of the day, people only get one life and you are a long time dead so if you are not happy in a relationship then why remain in it.

There are many reasons for irretrievable break ups though. Adultery, abuse and other reasons of unreasonable behavior are very strong reasons why someone would want to get out of a relationship permanently. How could you forgive someone after sleeping with someone else? How could you forgive someone after they beat you black and blue? There are no valid reasons why someone would hurt someone so badly when you are meant to love them so the only practical reason is to get out of the marriage.

However, sometimes marriage breaks down irretrievably where the love dies and you are more just like brother and sister. The sex is non-existent, the communication is gone and the desire to be with that person has gone. Whose fault is it then? Should you still stay together as its safe? Should you walk away as the love and romance has gone? How do you know if you will ever be happy with someone? Can the same level of romance, love and friendship sustain over a 20/30 year marriage. Some people manage it and look blissfully happy with each other so the answer is yes, a very happy marriage can happen but it takes patience, communication, trust, hard work and the desire to be with that person.