How To Talk to Your Adult Child | Empower
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
How To Talk To Your Adult Child
Your child has outgrown your nest, gotten married and moved away to live with his or her spouse. He or she now has a successful job and is starting a family away from you.
As a result, you are hardly able to talk to your child now and when you do finally speak to each other, there are more conflicts and arguments – than meaningful conversations. You wonder what has happened to this bundle of joy you gave birth to, raised and witnessed growing up.
Here are some tips on how to talk to your adult children and prevent more arguments between you and your children.
Talk to your children regularly and have meaningful conversations
Even if you no longer live together, you should try to talk to your children regularly – be it over the phone, through text message or via email. Have heart-to-heart conversations with them and talk to them honestly, sharing information such as how your day went. This will definitely help you to bond better with them.
See your children as equals
It is important to see your adult children as equals, not as children who need help and guidance throughout their lives and careers. After all, they are adults now and they have a mind of their own and can think and make their own decisions.
Admit to your children that you are wrong
You should not see yourself as being a perfectionist in front of your children – especially when they are now adults. If you are wrong, apologise to them and do not be conceited. Saying sorry would not hurt your ego and pride in front of them. In fact, it will only benefit both you and them in terms of your bond and relationship with one another.
For example, you are helping your daughter to bake a cake for your grandson’s birthday party. She tells you that the cake should be baked at 200 degrees Celsius (C) as per the recipe, but you think that it should be cooked at 150 degrees C instead – so you turn the oven to your temperature. The cake turns out to be a bit anaemic and undercooked. If this happens, apologise to her and admit that you are wrong.
Allow yourself to learn from your children
Your children are now adults and they have developed their own experience and expertise in the world. So you should give them the chance to talk to you and demonstrate their skills and allow them to help you. Remember that they are no longer the helpless babies that you gave birth to – even though you might still like to think of them as your babies.
For example, if your daughter works for a leading events management company, it would benefit you to talk to her and her for help and learn from her expertise in planning your impending Christmas party.
Do not impose your advice on your children
If you are giving your adult children advice, do not force them to follow it and impose your suggestions on them. You should remember that your children are now grown up and they are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. If they have a better idea than yours, they can choose not to follow your advice. Imposing your opinions on them would only make them resent you for it, and this would affect your level of communication and relationship with them.
Thank your children for something they have done for you
Just because they are your children, it does not mean that you have a right to expect them to do things for you without a word of thanks. They are after all, adults now. If they feel that you do not appreciate kind gestures from them, they may stop doing these – and there is nothing that you can do about it. Even talking to them using simple words and gestures such as a sincere “thank you” and a big smile from you would help.
For example, if your son offers to fix up your leaking tap, do not expect him to be your handy man all the time. Instead, you should talk to him by thanking him and making it very clear to him that you appreciate the gesture.