Would you like to compress time?

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

You can do exactly that with the 10th Step.  I will conclude the remaining three steps in this blog.  I hope you are getting some benefit from these steps, even if you are not doing them.  Just by being aware of them may put you into a different thought pattern.

Step 10 – Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.  This step is similar to Step 4 when you made that big list of your resentments/grudges.  But don’t worry, you don’t have to do that again. 

With the help of your Higher Power, you are learning more about yourself, building on your strength, and are striving to be free of your shortcomings.  You are learning to take responsibility and turning the rest over to your Higher Power.  This has been a cleansing and empowering experience for most of us, but it is only the beginning. 

Step 10 is an opportunity to continue this healing and reaffirming process where you continue to look at your shortcomings, your errors, and also your improvements and successes.  

You realize that because you are only human, you will err.  That is a given.  But now you can start to recognize it sooner and make the appropriate amends as soon as possible.  This is where compressing time comes in. 

In Step 4 your list probably included things as far back as your childhood, or at least a few years ago.  Since you rid yourself of that pain and anger, you need only concern yourself with the future. 

As you feel a resentment/grudge begin, you will be able to, with practice, immediately figure out your part in it and what you need to apologize for.  There should no longer be years between the grudge and when you apologize. 

I have an example from just a couple of days ago.  I had been working on my emotions and frustration levels since I went through the steps.  I had done pretty good with it, until Sunday. 

I was in the kitchen doing the dishes and found myself getting more and more frustrated because nobody uses aluminum foil on the baking sheets.  I use it because I don’t want to scrub or clean the baking sheets.  I just throw away the foil and I’m done. 

But it seems nobody else in my household does that.  So who is left to scrub them?  Me. 

So there was a sheet that was caked on with food that was not coming off.  I was scrubbing and scraping and getting angrier.  Mark came in the room, as did my son, and asked what I was doing.  Oh, I complained and threw things, but when they asked if they could help, of course I said I no. 

Now I don’t want to name any names (Mark), but the person who did it felt bad.  I know he did.  And I knew as I was in the throes of my frustration that I shouldn’t be this mad, but I didn’t stop myself. 

I felt bad an hour later and I went in to apologize to Mark.  Normally this step wouldn’t have been done, and my grudge—and probably his—would grow and grow over time.  This was just a small example, but the most recent I can remember.

“No longer must we accumulate burdens of guilt or resentment that will become heavier and more potent over time.  Each day, each new moment can be an opportunity to clear the air and start again, fresh and free.”  In All our Affairs

Step 11 – Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for His will for us and the power to carry that out.  While working the previous steps, it should be apparent to you that there is a greater power at work in your life.  

You learn that you are never alone, and He/She is there to comfort and guide you.  

You know that forgiveness is possible which provides peace in your heart. 

So it is only natural to want to take any action you can to consciously improve your relationship with the God of your understanding. 

Prayer and meditation are the means by which we do this.  They mean different things to different people, but they achieve the same outcome—to put us in touch with the God of our understanding. 

Many of us find it important to set aside time each day for prayer and/or meditation.  I personally do not meditate.  My mind goes in ten different directions at once continuously, and I have yet to learn how to shut it off.  It is hard enough to get it quiet for prayer time.

In the past, many of us have said quick prayers hoping that our will be done.  I think we can agree now that our will often leads to pain and disappointment. 

Praying for the will of our Higher Power, we learn that we will be given the strength to do His will and the power to carry it out.  Only God knows what is best for us. 

My favorite song of all time has to be Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks.  The song is beautiful because it tells you that only God knows what is best. 

Step 12 – Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these Steps, we try to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.  This step asserts that if you complete these Steps, you will have a spiritual awakening. 

For some, it is like a lightning bolt, obvious and strong.  For others, they simply do not feel any different. 

Me, it was like the lightning bolt.  I woke up the next morning completely different with the weight of the world off my shoulders. 

Mark, on the other hand, did not feel it as strong, and only by looking back could he see the breadcrumbs left of his awakening. 

Before undertaking these steps, you probably thought that this kind of change was impossible.  Life has robbed you of your dreams and paralyzed you with fear about an uncertain future. 

Naturally, if you have truly been affected by these steps, you would want to share it with others. 

After I went through them, I felt everybody should live by these principles because so many people are in pain or angry, depressed, frustrated, etcetera.  I only foresee a better world if the pain and burden of life was lifted from everybody shoulders. 

I know that not everybody will do these steps, only a few of us, and that’s okay.  Maybe one day you will remember these steps and will be more ready to do them. 

They do take work, a lot of work, but it is be worth it in the end. 

By the way, completing the 12 Steps does not actually mean you are done.  These are principles to live by, day after day. 

We discover that these principles can “guide us through uncertainty and open doors to opportunities we never dreamed of.  Our futures are unwritten books.  With the help of these 12 Steps … we will fill those pages with a life that is rich in love, constructive action, and spiritual well-being.”  How Al-Anon Works.