Utahn’s blame Obama for Hostess Closing Doors. Threaten to Secede from the union.
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
It was only a matter of seconds before people started blaming Obama for Hostess closing their doors.
Because ya know…one man and his socialist ways can single handedly cause people to go the to Sarah Lee Dark Side instead of staying loyal to Hostess.
Never mind that Hostess’ woes began long before Obama reached office. Everyone knows that every job lost and every unemployed person in America is the fault of the Obama administration.
Blame Obama for American’s fickle junk food habits and years of mismanagement at Hostess.
You’ll feel better. I know I did.
Maybe, if Romney had been elected, he would have approved bail outs for Utah’s ice-cream and twinkie habits. In fact, I’m positive of it because we would have been his favorite state for sure!!!
Mitt would have pulled public broadcasting funding in a heart beat if it meant saving Hostess!!! And those are Utah values!
That bail out money would be WAY better spent on sugar and fat laden baked goods than having been spent on the auto industry which caused those Damn Ohioans to get a bunch of jobs back and subsequently to switch and vote for that socialist bastard Obama.
It’s those damn sneaky “gifts” that he gives to blue collar workers.
Oh I know how to fix this Hostess crisis and really stick it to the United States!!! LETS SECEDE from the union!!!
That way, we’ll be our own nation upholding the constitution where the U.S. government has failed to do so.
And when we’re all fat and suffering from diabetes because the Utah government bailed out Hostess and anyone else struggling in the junkfood industry (You know, we are sustained by icecream, twinkies and soda pop around here), and the insurance companies that remained here smell fresh meat and raise deductibles and health care becomes so outrageous that no one can afford it at all, we can continue to blame Obama care instead of ourselves for our own crappy junk food habits. And we will be fatter than ever, because we as consumers will be obligated to buy all of the Hostess products, likely also at inflated prices, because there may be international trade limitations that crop up.
On the bright side, the new customs checkpoints that will pop up on the Nevada and Colorado sides of I-70 will greatly reduce the amount of drugs coming in to the state. And I for one, think that needing a passport to go from Utah to Idaho and back will be AWESOME!!!
Oh…and one more thing…Utah WOULD have to raise taxes to cover the rising cost of health care from our self-abuse, and other things as well that were previously aided or funded by the U.S. government but are not any longer. Otherwise where else would the money come from because the U.S. government may not be inclined to help after Utah gives them the one finger salute?
Well, at least we’ll have a reason to get mad at the U.S. all over again and blame them because now they won’t help us…But then again, who would be surprised? The U.S. government, they’re bastards like that. Everybody knows it. The Obama administration withholds foreign aid like a motherf*!!!
You know what will be the most fun part of being our own Nation? Militias!!! Militias are always good news! Especially the white bald guys with those blue flags. You know the ones with the red X on ‘em. And how nice for them!!! They’ll finally get to move their base camp to Zion! They’ve been wanting to do that for years. It’s always nice to see people’s dreams come true!
And the best part is that we’ll still have our fruit pies, cupcakes and dingdongs and Twinkies!
Because one simply cannot rebuild a government, create policy, jobs and an economy unless one is all hopped up on Ding-Dongs and Mountain Dew!
This is not intended as party-line commentary, but rather social commentary on the ridiculousness of shallow minded mob-mentality. If you’re offended, then you probably fire off anti-whichever politician memes constantly without really understanding what’s behind them and/or you’ve signed the petition for Utah to secede from the Union without knowing what that would mean to Utahns. In short, you signed it but figure someone else will take care of the logistics of building a new government, foreign policy and foreign trade agreements and those are just a few of the little things.
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