Give Me Some Love

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

How many hugs have you given and received today? Virginia Satir, a psychotherapist/social worker who spent a lifetime working with families said,

“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”

4 Hugs a Day for Survival

Survival – The most basic need of a human is to remain alive. The dictionary also says it is “to get along or remain healthy, happy, and unaffected in spites of some occurrence.” Aside from the actual physical needs of food, water, clothing and shelter, we have the need for contact with others.

Studies have shown that self-esteem is boosted, especially in children. So much of what we communicate is done on a non-verbal level. Years ago (back when orphanages had wings of babies left alone for hours), it was discovered that the lack of human touch on a regular basis led to what is now know as Failure to Thrive. Babies NEED to be touched. In fact, we all do.

8 Hugs a Day for Maintenance

So what exactly is Virginia Satir talking about when she refers to maintenance. I believe that it is what is needed to maintain a healthy sense of self, to remain healthy and happy and relatively disease free. Consider some of the physical effects of hugging:

• Hugging induces the production of oxytocin, also known as the “bonding hormone.” Oxytocin has been found to reduce stress and the effects of stress by lowering blood pressure and cortisol (the stress hormone) levels. At the same time there is a corresponding increase in the sense of trust and security.
• Your immune system is strengthened. Pressure on the sternum helps to stimulate the thymus gland which is associated with your body’s production, regulation and balance of white blood cells. Keep these in balance and it leads to keeping you healthy and disease free.
• Prevents disease – Some of the medical studies done have shown that touch promotes faster growth in premature babies, reduces pain, decreases autoimmune disease symptoms, lowers glucose levels in children with diabetes, and improves immune systems in people with cancer. *

12 Hugs a Day for Growth

Growth – ah yes. This is the area which allows us to really thrive and not just survive. It’s a way to figuratively say, “Give me some love.”

A group of folks did a social experiment. You may have seen some of the videos on YouTube.

People set up signs which basically said: “I trust you. Will you trust me? Hug me.” They blindfolded themselves and stood with their arms open, just waiting for someone to come up and hug them so they could give a hug in return. See what happens.

Here’s one more story I found on another person’s blog. It shows the power of a hug. Check it out here.

We make charts for tracking all kinds of things. Why not make a chart to keep track of how many hugs you gave or received? Make it a goal to give at least 12 hugs a day so you can really THRIVE and grow.

How many hugs did you give today?