Goal Setting Almost Got Me Killed
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
Goal Setting Almost Got Me Killed
I remember once, not too long ago, I had a goal of getting a date with a particular type of woman.
I was so set on having a specific woman–her looks, her attitude, her figure, her social habits, that I actually went through a visualization exercise–a goal setting exercise–thinking she would somehow magically appear because of that.
You’ve no doubt heard about holding images in your mind and then that image becomes a reality, right? I’m not talking about the secret where you think of something then some crazy energy wave flows out of your mind and careens across the countryside like something out of a Hollywood movie.
I mean being prepared when she appeared so I’d recognizer her.
So anyway I set about the exercise of goal setting and here’s what I came up with: 1) fun loving, 2) likes sports, 3) can enjoy a night out on the town and 4) with a nice figure.
Basic stuff. The usual.
I imagined what she’d look like, how she’d act, how sexy she’d be and all that.
So I meet this woman at a party one Friday Night (RED FLAG!). OK, red flag if you want to take it further than occasional dating–am I right ladies? Don’t expect to meet Mr. Do-Right at the club.
OK, so it was actually a “free Cognac night” and yes, just about everyone there had their fair share of Cognac.
As an aside, I’m usually pretty social while waiting in lines. This party was held at a car detailing / tuner / wheels shop, so there were only a couple of single occupancy restrooms, so the men and women were in line together.
So I’m waiting in line and talking to some of the women. The woman in line behind me starts flirting with me. We talk and go back and forth for a bit.
We get closer to the restroom.
Just before it’s my turn to go in, she jumps in front of me in line and asks if she can go next. I reply “If we go in together” and she smiles.
Of course she waltzes into the restroom in front of me with a smirk.
Split second decision! ….. NO. Imma let that one go. There is a roomful of people watching and I’m not about to emerge with a false accusation of some sort of mischievous misconduct. She comes out and says “Why didn’t you come in with me?”
See, it’s times like that when I’m glad to BE an attorney, and times like that which make me wish I WASN’T an attorney. Curse my overly analytical legal training!
OK, back to GOAL SETTING…
Where were we…right. At that same party I met this woman who seemed to meet all my criteria. After coming out of the restroom I landed on a sofa where she and a couple of friends were. We hit it off.
We danced a bit (on the couch–don’t ask) and eventually exchanged numbers.
The following week–that Friday to be exact–we went out on our date.
OK, the problem is that even though I knew what I wanted via my goal setting exercise, I failed to determine what I didn’t want.
She was fun alright. She was fun to play pool with at the sports bar. Flirtatious women are the best when playing pool. Use your imagination.
She even had a glass of wine and relaxed a bit. Too much actually.
I should have driven but she convinced me (she was persuasive) to let her drive. So after several games of pool and ONE drink we head out to her car. I ask if she’s OK to drive. She looks me in the eye and says quite soberly “Of Course.”
Part of my goal setting exercise should have been to also make sure that I didn’t let someone drive if they were not fit to do so!
One glass of wine? That’s all it took for her to slam on the accelerator straight out of the parking lot, hit the right curb at 50+ mph, blow out two tires and narrowly miss a telephone pole that would have struck the passenger side. This all happened in less than 10 seconds.
I suppose that if you go through a goal setting exercise you should define not only what you want, but what you don’t want and whether or not you’re prepared to be responsible when you do get what you want.
So I blame myself the night’s mishap. Won’t let that happen again.
And yes, I’m still the charmer while waiting in restroom lines at free liquor parties.