Don’t Judge a Book by It’s cover. That goes for judging yourself as well

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

It is always a great feeling to feel wanted or needed. I got off the airplane the other day and I got an email from a young guy who wrote me an said I just joined your company and you are my sponsor and coach.

No matter how times in life you are in situation where you get chosen if feels great. The main reason for this is I can remember when that wasn’t always the case.

Many kids had their first day of school today and I can remember some humbling lunch times as the new kid in school.

One in particular was the fist day of 5th grade. WE had just moved from New York City out to the suburbs on Long Island. It was the first day of school and we were out at recess during lunch hour.

The ritual of picking players for the lunch-time two-hand touch football game was getting underway and being a sports nut, I wanted to play. Although I was shy, overweight and slightly awkward, I was a pretty good athlete. The problem was I really didn’t look it. I compounded this by walking with hunched shoulders and up until college I walked, staring at the ground as though I was willing my feet to move. The reason, I know I did this in college is because I was told many years later by a girl who lived on my floor that the firsts time she saw me i walked like this. She did an impression of an over-grown penguin staring at the ground as he walked.

I must have been doing the Penguin Waddle as I approached the two captains who were starting to pick picking teams.

It is funny that I did not have a sense of myself. I was used to be treating well on the sports field even though I was mostly thought of as a geek. As they began picking teams, I noticed neither of these guys had glanced in my direction. First the good guys were chosen, then you pick your friends. This time I was bypassed and they starting picking from a few girls who liked to play football with the guys. (the Tomboys.) Now Today, women can be great athletes– but to a 5th grader on his first day in a new school, having girls picked ahead of you in sports is as humiliating as it gets. Especially when you a are a socially awkward guy who only gets recognized on occasion for a moment in a sporting event. …This time I was the last player picked. I take that back. I wasn’t so much as picked as I went to the team as default as I was the only person not chosen.

However, on this day despite the humiliation, this had happened this summer in camp.

It was my first summer away from home and my fist experience with camp. It was first period, first even and we were choosing sides for basketball. I was very unaware of the sorting out process where you look at a person and make a snap judgement. My parents were the product of 60′s liberal radicals and really never explained or cared about fitting in. It so happened I was a very good basketball player.

I lived in New York city and played basketball on the courts of New York. Overweight, Long haired and very shy and awkward yes,–but put me on a baseball diamond or basketball court and I was a different person. I was a huge sports fan and was already reading the New York times sports section daily. I narrated sports as I played which sometimes pissed off the other kids but I was imitating the sports announcers.

So here I am trying to catch the eyes of the guys picking and being ignored. After being selected one of the last boys for the basketball game my first reaction was disbelief. Why? I thought. I din’t get it. Since it was one of the few places I was comfortable I started to hatch my plan. I started slowly, showing the guys that I could dribble the ball– drive toward the basket and as everyone converged on me I would pass or dish it to the open man. Then I began to fake a drive toward the basket and stop and shoot. Doing this a few times produced the result I was looking for.

” I will guard him” said one of the better players stepped over to block my way. This was my moment. I got the ball at about the free throw line and did something I had practiced quite often. I pretend to shoot by moving my head in a quick jerky fashion. This gets the defender to step toward me or sometimes jump to block my shot.

When this occurs, I dribble around toward the basket. However, this time instead of passing which I had done a number of times, I fake a pass, but instead keep the ball and drive for an easy layup. That was the last time I was picked last for a basketball game.

So here I am, standing in the playground of the new school being picked last for recess football. This was happening again.

When the game started we had the ball and I was basically ignored. I could have been Jerry Rice in that school yard and it wouldn’t have mattered–no one was even looking in my general direction.

I realized if I couldn’t get the ball on offence, I was going to have to do something special on defence. It wasn’t very difficult to figure out who the other team’s quarterback’s favourite receiver.

I waited for a deep pass and left my man to get in position as I knew where the ball was going. I jumped in the air and with my big hands and good body control (from driving in basketball) I intercepted the pass.

This type of scenario repeated itself for many years. It seemed that my first impressions were never great. I was always being underestimated. For years I tried to make a better impression, but it always backfired as I was not comfortable being something I am not. I learned that if you are too self-conscious about yourself and are always pretending to be something you are not–you loose the natural creative expression that makes you unique.

Today, as an adult, I realize that many people like to judge a book by its cover and always appreciate a person who chooses to Play life’s games with me on their team. I consider myself, a person who enjoys helping others succeed in their goals and dreams. It is how I reach my own. If you are someone who feels that they are under appreciated and would shine in a supportive environment then you found the right place to Network. The Empower Network