My Struggles in life…

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

For many years I have struggled with not feeling good enough in a variety of aspects in my life. For instance when I was in my early teens just starting (high school) secondary school as we call it in the UK and although I was in the same class as my best friend that I had been friends with since I was 4 years old,  I stupidly (looking back now) joined  a new group of  ”cool” friends. My new friends were pretty and popular. My mother sent me to an all girls school so that boys wouldn’t distract me! Growing up I had wonky teeth with gaps, something I was very conscious of and always smiled with my mouth closed in photos, I was very skinny with long hair and a flat chest. My new friends used to sometimes taunt me jokingly but deep down it hurt and I became very shy and timid in school.

I’d gone from having a friend that accepted me for who I was to “friends” who liked to point out my not so perfect features. My attendance in school wasn’t great because of it, doing well in class wasn’t cool so I just stopped paying attention (my biggest regret despite the fact that now I think Schools don’t really prepare us for the real challenges in life) I would make up stories about imaginary boyfriends to sound cool, but they would just laugh. I always felt not good enough and this carried on till I finished school.

Leaving school with a low self esteem was difficult, I tried my hand at a few jobs but gave up, I felt lost, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and jsigned up to an agency for work placement, (basically places people in companies to do the crappy mundane work like packing letters, junk mail etc) just did what I could for money with no real career in mind just so I could buy some cool clothes.

I’d tried to avoid signing on the doll (unemployment benefits) as we would call it in the UK, but eventually I succumbed and went to stand in the long line of unemployment whilst checking out the board for any jobs available… nothing! I had no idea what I wanted to do yet knew that I didn’t want settle.

That little office was about to be my turning point yet I had no idea. Sitting, chatting with a careers advisor when you don’t have a clue what you want to do wasn’t easy and so we came to the conclusion that an apprentiship was a good place to start! If i’m totally honest the first thing I looked at was the pay and the highest paying apprentiship was at a Hair Salon in Mayfair, London.

I’d never been there before, I was fifteen and my mum and brothers accompanied me as I went for my interview, well they waited in the park across the road. Here I was applying for a position as an apprentice where the rich and famous spend there money to make themselves look beautiful! Not a place you would think one with self esteem issues would choose to surround themselves with on a daily basis.

It was an hours journey from door to door providing myself and public transport was running, and on time. The days were long and many times I felt like quitting and finding something else but something inside me knew that this could open doors and lead me to another way of life. This was my breakthrough I was searching for.

The desire to change and improve comes from deep within ones soul. The result comes from dedication to your goals and the actions YOU take along the way.

Thanks for reading this very personal snippet of my life, too often we keep these feelings and bury them deep inside yet they are always there unless we face them, accept them and share them. I hope i’ve inspired you to share you story. The truth will set you free!

What struggles have you faced or facing right now and how are they affecting you?

I’d love to hear from you so go ahead and leave a comment!