The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz – Summary & Audiobook
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
The other day my friend and I were talking about what book has inspired us… and she suggested me the book The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz.
I heard the name of the book so I was searching through my audiobook library on my iPod… What a coincidence! I’ve been having this audiobook for quite a while… maybe more than 2 years… but I’d never had a chance to listen to an entire book.
Here I’ve been listening and learning since my friend suggested me… and helped me change my way of thinking a lot in a very good way
If you haven’t read or listen to the four agreements by Miguel Ruiz, then now it is your time. This book will inspire you to change the way of thinking to set yourself free from drama!
Here is a Don Miguel’s quote…
“You need a very strong will in order to adopt the Four Agreements—but if you can begin to live your life with these agreements, the transformation in your life will be amazing. You will see the drama of hell disappear right before your very eyes. Instead of living in a dream of hell, you will be creating a new dream—your personal dream of heaven.”
We store information through agreement. When we believe something is true, it becomes an agreement between us and the world. As soon as we agree, we believe it. This cycle leads us to develop rules or “laws” that govern what we see as true.
Here is The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz.
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Don’t make assumptions.
- Always do your best.
Now bookmark this page and start listening to this audio.
The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz – Audiobook
The Four Agreements by Miguel Ruiz – Summary
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
- Speak with integrity.
- Say only what you mean.
- Avoid using the word to speak against yourself.
- Avoid using words to gossip about others.
- Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Impeccable means “without sin” and a sin is something you do or believe that goes against yourself. It means not speaking against yourself, to yourself or to others. It means not rejecting yourself. To be impeccable means to take responsibility for your words.
Our ability to use words sets us apart as humans, but this ability is also a two-edged sword. Words can create and words can destroy. When we misuse our words, we can create major problems, but using our words impeccably heals and empowers others.
Regarding the word, the rules of “action-reaction” apply. What you put out energetically will return to you. Proper use of the word creates proper use of energy, putting out love and gratitude perpetuates the same in the universe. The converse is also true.
Impeccability starts at home. Be impeccable with yourself and that will reflect in your life and your relationships with others. This agreement can help change thousands of other agreements, especially ones that create fear instead of love.
Gossip…
Not only does gossip destroy others, but it is also produces conflict and creates drama. Gossip works like a computer virus. Once it is introduced, your thoughts become mixed up and you stop producing good results. With gossip, one little piece of information can break down other communication. Gossip infects everyone it touches. With a computer virus, we have safety precautions that tell us “Don’t open this file” because once you do, it’s too late. When we gossip, we act like hackers who intentionally spread a virus to destroy how others think and to cause drama.
The Four Agreements can provide us with guidelines to determine what is gossip. Three questions you can ask yourself when you hear or consider giving information about another person or situation are;
- Is it my story to tell? How do I know the information?
- Do I have the right to speak the information?
- What is my intention in speaking the information?
Being Positive and Truthful…
Keep in mind that your opinion is just your point of view and not necessarily true. Remember, your opinion comes from your own perspective and experience, your own beliefs and “rules.”
When you speak well of people and yourself, and when you stop yourself from demanding everyone live by your rules, you feel good and at peace with yourself. Use your words to speak truth and to encourage yourself and others.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
- Nothing others say or do is because of you.
- What others say and do is a projection of their own dream.
- What others say and do is a result of their own world.
- When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
When we take things personally, we feel offended and react by defending ourselves, creating drama. We take things personally when we agree with what others have said. If we didn’t agree, the things that others say would not affect us emotionally. If we did not care about what others think about us, their words or behavior could not affect us.
Even if someone yells at you, gossips about you, harms you or yours, it still is not about you! Their actions and words are based on what they believe in their personal dream.
When people have beliefs that are different from our own, we get scared, defend ourselves, and impose our point of view on others. If someone gets angry with us it is because our belief system is challenging their belief system and they get scared. They need to defend their point of view. Why become angry, create conflict, and expend energy arguing when you are aware of this?
It is important to understand that people may give compliments or criticism, but what they say is about them and how they feel at that moment and about their own needs. What they say is not just about you.
When we avoid taking words personally, we take away the power other people try to have over us. We become immune to manipulation. If you refuse to take things personally, even if someone is trying to draw you into their dream world and is being critical, you can remain peaceful.
Setting Limits…
When someone asks you to do something, listen intently and repeat what the person is asking. Don’t take the request personally even if it is presented with criticism or with a compliment. You can simply ask, “You would like to…” or “You want me to…” to clarify the person’s request. Be sure to clarify if you correctly understand what someone is communicating to you.
Set limits by being impeccable with your word. Use your words to speak truth and to encourage yourself and others. There are several techniques that can help:
- Use “I” statements.
- Don’t put yourself down.
- Don’t use excuses or blame others.
- Offer any possible alternatives.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
- Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.
- Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.
- With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Here is an internal misconception that affect our relationship a big time. Miguel says it all here about human nature of assumption.
“We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking—we take it personally—then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why when we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.”
We create drama by making assumptions, by taking it personally, and by gossiping about our assumptions. We perpetuate this by not asking for clarification, defending our assumptions, and trying to make someone else wrong based on our assumptions.
When we make assumptions it is because we believe we know what others are thinking and feeling. We believe we know their point of view, their dream. We forget that our beliefs are just our point of view based on our belief system and personal experiences and have nothing to do with what others think and feel.
To avoid making assumptions, it is important to gather more facts about the situation and about our own beliefs. It is also important to gain knowledge about the facts, about how others perceive the situation, and about your own beliefs.
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
Take action and be clear to others about what you want or do not want; do not gossip and make assumptions about things others tell you. Respect other points of view and avoid arguing just to be right. Respect yourself and be honest with yourself. Stop expecting the people around you to know what is in your head.
4. Always Do Your Best
- Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.
- Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Ruiz says:
“There is just one more agreement, but it’s the one that allows the other three to become deeply ingrained habits. The fourth agreement is about the action of the first three: Always do your best.”
Do your best to live up to the other three agreements:
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Don’t make assumptions.
Ruiz continues:
“Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times it will not be as good.”
Doing your best means enjoying the action without expecting a reward. The pleasure comes from doing what you like in life and having fun, not from how much you get paid. Enjoy the path traveled and the destination will take care of itself.
Living in the moment and releasing the past helps us to do the best we can in the moment. It allows us to be fully alive right now, enjoying what is present, not worrying about the past or the future.
Have patience with yourself. Take action. Practice forgiveness. If you do your best always, transformation will happen as a matter of course.
Your Best…
Your best is never going to be the same from one moment to another. Regardless of the quality, keep doing no less than your best. Accept your best and recognize that it feels good to give your best because doing your best feels productive and is not based on expecting a reward.
How To Do Your Best…
– Work for “Win/Win” instead of “Win/Lose” results. Since dissatisfaction drives people to change, you should do your best to uncover the dissatisfactions of others. Remember to avoid focusing on the problem, but rather to work toward a solution. Focusing on a problem reduces energy, results in blaming, and leads others to see their resources as limited.
– Develop a “preferred future.” Ask what it would look like “If I got it right…” Set rules for brainstorming. Good rules for brainstorming include:
- Don’t judge ideas
- Don’t discuss ideas
- The more ideas the better
- Build on others’ ideas
– Bring new resources to the table.
– Set your first steps to explore other’s opinions or implement an agreement.
These are excellent guidelines for anyone to live life by. These guidelines seem to be a very common sense to those who are reading this right now, but to some of you may realize that taking actions is a great challenge.
I sometimes fall off about assumption…. where I grew up with my family who assume a lot of things for each other sometimes good sometimes bad… I think that was our family culture… but here I’ve been trying to stop assuming things more and things are getting better! I do not waste time to worry about what others think of me That is a great relief for me and less argument with others. 🙂 but like I said I still sometimes fall off… eventually I will be free from drama or chaos in my head created by assumption!
Do what you love while keeping the four agreements!
Hope this article help you
Let’s Start Practicing 4 Agreements!
G & Mimi
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