Needing A Question Answered ~ Help Anyone?
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
Earlier today, I had a thought that interests me a lot. I’ve had a question up to remind me to find out why . . ., well here it is: QQ Why do I hold myself apart from money? Why does anyone?
Seeing it over and over, I came to the question I wanted to ask my father. How did he keep, or rid himself, from putting people and things between him and what he wanted?
When I was in High School, just he and I were returning from a ranch he had purchased about 35 miles from our home. We often made that trip as I loved helping him with cattle and horses and generally just being with him. We would often sing as we traveled. I’m remembering “You Are My Sunshine” especially.
We must not have talked a lot, at least not any of that what I call “depthy” talk, meaning the deep down, underlying all the world’s problems as they pertained to me type of talking. I say that because all these years I’ve remembered asking him how he had become so successful. He’d never had much education, he’d never known his father, he and his mother had worked at things so backbreaking and what could have been spirit breaking, like picking cotton, herding sheep, those old-timey, hotter that Hades laundries and the list truly goes on, ad infinitude. I haven’t set this up right or you would know how important it was to me because when I asked that question, I really wanted with all that was in me to know, not just how he had done it, but that I would be able to do it, too.
Talk about a pregnant pause! Just like I bet you’ve experienced with your own father, there were times I knew better than to be no other than as quiet as could be. I wasn’t at all sure what commanded that kind of quiet or lengthy pondering. I did get that I had better just let it be.
I’ve had a lot of years to reflect on his one sentence answer that wasn’t anything I would have expected and I’m sure was a let down (to me) when he finally spoke it. Over time it has become increasingly precious and I appreciate that it meant so much then and has continued to be very meaningful to me, but even so, if you were paying attention at all, you surely have picked up on my continued interest in an answer along the lines of what I asked him then.
Dad, Help Me To Know How You Kept From Putting People and Things Between You And What You Wanted
My father left this “veil of tears” close to a dozen years ago now. I felt his nearness as I realized I was thinking I wanted to know how, when we transitioned to a better house in town than he and mom had started with in the country, and then a yet better house when I was in High School, he seemed so comfortable in his skin.
I still seem to agonize over every tiny improvement in circumstance. I know there are times in my life when I haven’t experienced such angst, but it is something I am all too aware of right now. I’m thinking he can help me. Further, I am thinking he really wants to. That, I find, very cool. Stay tuned.
I still want to be great at living my life, I love sharing with you (can you tell? – if so, leave some “sign”, would you? Like a like on FB or a comment, thanks.) I will blog again soon. anacarin