Things Can Change in an Instant
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
Today’s post is going to be personal…well as personal as I can get without bursting into tears.
It’s weird how things can change in an instant. Three weeks ago I got a very unexpected phone call phone. It was from someone I hadn’t seen in a long time — someone who I had only spoken to on occasion. I didn’t even have his phone number saved in my phone, so when I returned the call, I didn’t know who to expect.
This person was going through a tough time in his life and needed someone to talk to. He thought about me, looked up my number, and called. This, of course, took me by surprise…but it also made me feel really good. Someone needed help and reached out to me? My mind was blown and my heart was flattered.
I reached out in friendship to this person in a situation where many would have just been freaked out and turned the other way.
During the next two weeks, the two of us became closer and started dating. We talked about everything. We laughed. We made plans. I have to be honest and say I was very taken aback. This guy treated me better than most have ever treated me. He made me feel very special in a very short period of time. I was also a little scared. The main reason being was that the feelings I developed for him came so quickly — quicker than they ever have in my entire life. And the great thing about it was that it wasn’t one-sided. He felt the same way.
I’m not one to give into these types of feelings so quickly. I usually try to be “hard” and protect myself. I’ve had my share of broken hearts…and the thought of having another one…well…
The past few weeks have been some of the best of my life. I felt that maybe I had finally found the one I’m supposed to be with. Or at least someone that I could see myself with for a long time. Things were great. Maybe a little too great.
And then it all changed.
He called up his ex-girlfriend, who had previously physically and emotionally abused him, to tell her that he had moved on and to stop contacting him. In my mind I thought this would make everything better…for the both of us.
It didn’t.
She cried. She swore she would change. He called me. He said, “I’m confused.”
And just like that, my heart was crushed.
Just like that, we both went from being happy and excited about the future to being hurt, confused, and miserable.
I found myself being very angry at myself. I felt like an idiot. I felt stupid. How could I have let this happen to me? I should have known better.
I hated myself for being sad. I hated myself for crying. I felt lost…and numb.
Things can change in an instant… But it’s how we react to that change that makes the difference.
On Sunday I called up a good friend and mentor of mine, Peter Vicente. Over the past few months, he has been there for me professionally and personally. We talked. He let me cry it out. I’m not really sure what it was that he did…but it made me feel better about myself. We moved on to talking about business, and he reminded me to make sure that I’m blogging everyday. He told me to write about my day. I told him, “Okay,” but in my mind I was thinking, “I don’t want to write about this day. I just want to forget it.”
So it took me until today to write this.
Why am I writing this? Well, besides the fact that Peter told me to, perhaps I’m writing it for therapy. Maybe I’m writing it to convince myself that it’s still okay to open yourself…even when it results in you being stomped on and broken. Maybe I’m writing this because it’s a lot easier to write it than to speak it. I don’t know…
Things can change in an instant…for better or for worse. But it’s how we react to that change that makes the difference. I’ve always been hard on myself, and I’ve always been somewhat of a perfectionist. I find myself trying to react to challenges “perfectly.” But let’s face it, I’m not perfect. And I don’t always react the way I want to or should. There will be days when I’m not the happy-go-lucky, upbeat Zippy that everyone knows. And I have to be okay with that. I have to accept the fact that sometimes people will see my vulnerability, and that there will be times when my positivity will be lacking.
If you happen to see me in the near future, and I’m not the uber-motivational person that you’re used to, just know that that person is still here. I’m just dealing with my problems “imperfectly.”
All I ask is that you be patient with me and keep me in your thoughts/prayers.
Things can change in an instant. And I’m choosing to react the best way I can.
Much love,
Zippora Rodreques