Disciplining Children

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

Disciplining children can be quite a challenge in this day and age.

All of us have experienced different types of discipline in our lives, whether at home, school, the military, or on our job.

In some cases, this discipline may have been too harsh and delivered with a strong hand, and at other times it may have been too permissive, and actually done us a disservice.

Finding the right balance when disciplining children

Being too rigid or severe with your child may get you a temporary reprieve and some forced compliance, but in the long run the results will not be good. There will most likely be quite a bid of resentment built up, lack of communication, and an inability to relate in an honest way.

The other extreme when disciplining children is to be too permissive. This not only does them a disservice because they do not learn to take responsibility for their actions, but it sets you up for manipulation and lack of respect.

It’s important, when disciplining children, to manage behavior with Tender Loving Care.

Be assertive and kind

When “disciplining children”, the behavior of children can be managed most effectively, when parents set boundaries, and hold their kids accountable. This is a moment to moment process.

Don’t put off what requires attention for a later time. You may not get to it, and it sends the wrong message to your child.

When disciplining children forget about the yelling and screaming. First, it doesn’t work, and second, the kids love it when they are able to push enough buttons for you to lose it.

So even if you are not quite sure what to do, at least pretend that you are okay and managing your feelings. I know that’s hard when there is a firestorm within, but it’s part of the process.

Especially when your child ignores your directive, it is more important than ever to remain calm. When you feel yourself getting angry and about to get into a power struggle, remind yourself to stay cool, calm and collected.

Give yourself a time out if necessary, and then come back when you are composed.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

One of the keys to disciplining children is effective communication. The first step is to calmly explain to your child how his or her action, or inaction, did not meet your expectations.

If your child abused a privilege, remove the privilege temporarily with a game plan in place to earn it back. This teaches the lesson sufficiently.

Also give your directive in a couple different ways, such as “I’d like you to not leave your clothes scattered throughout the house.” Then follow up with “Please put your clothes away properly.”

When extremely upset, take a break, and schedule a talk with your child later when you are calm. When disciplining children, always make it a learning experience for all involved.

Let your child know it’s okay to make mistakes, and then brainstorm together better ways of handling the situation both now and in the future.

Combining firm expectations while respecting the dignity of your child, strengthens your bond. And positive parenting includes letting your children know how much you love them, no matter what their behavior.

You can find more helpful strategies on positively disciplining children on my Transforming Child Behavior parenting website.

Disciplining children with unconditional love is about doing what it best for them.

Take good care,

Joseph

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