Following My Instincts
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
When Lilly was born 20 months ago my motherly instincts were in full swing. I’d read a few parenting books and had decided that I would be sure to stick to proper feeding and sleeping schedules. As a 33 year old, I had some ingrained habits and routines. I’d also grown accustomed to having time to myself and being able to do what I want, when I want. My plan was to follow the advice of others to ensure I would be back to sleeping through the night in no time and keeping a decent schedule.
Despite my zombie-like state, I did a good job of keeping to a schedule for feeding and sleeping. I also adhered strictly to the rule of not bringing her into the bed with me. About two weeks into life with Lilly I gave in to the sleep monster and pulled her into the bed with me to nurse and sleep. It was like heaven. I had my baby pulled in tight, I could feel her every move and I finally got a bit of sleep.
I understood the reason behind not allowing babies to sleep in the bed with mom and dad. There is definitely danger in rolling over in your sleep and smothering them. But I am naturally a super light sleeper. Waking up to her every little grunt while she was sleeping next to the bed was like torture! My instincts told me that she wasn’t happy being so far from me (all of 6-12 inches since I slept right on the edge of the bed to be as close as I could). And frankly, I didn’t like it either.
Since my husband and I didn’t sleep in the same room any longer (he snores like a freakin’ bear) I felt safe sleeping with Lilly. Immediately she started sleeping soundly, no grunting or waking up. And so did I!
I guess that is when it began, Attachment Parenting. We responded so well to each other that I threw out all of my original plans and just followed her lead. Any time I tried to control the situation, like pumping so daddy could feed her, we went spiraling backwards. We did everything her way.
One day my mother and I were having a conversation and she referred to a celebrity having written a book about Attachment Parenting. Huh? What is Attachment Parenting? She said, “You know, like you do with Lilly.” At that point I was not aware that what I did to follow my instincts as a mother had a name. Not long after that Alicia Silverstone “birdfed” her child and a young mother appeared on the cover of a magazine with her “too old to nurse” child attached to her breast. While (in my opinion) these are extreme examples of what is considered Attachment Parenting, I understand where each of these women are coming from.
I still allow, to a certain extent, Lilly to direct how and when we do things. When she was ready to stop nursing at 14 months I picked up on her signs. Then I did my job as her mother to help her move on. Recently she has been showing signs of being ready to potty train. As soon as I am confident that she really is ready, we will begin. We still co-sleep. I still don’t get much sleep since I wake up to her every move and sound, but I enjoy it and I haven’t seen signs that she is ready to sleep alone. That may take more time, but i don’t believe we were meant to sleep alone anyway. I just find it hard to believe that mom and dad caveman slept on the opposite side of the cave than baby caveman. But, that’s just me.
Attachment Parenting, coined by Dr. William Sears, is basically the mother increasing her awareness and sensitivity to her baby’s needs and signals. That is exactly what I did with Lilly without realizing it was a “style” of parenting. I simply tuned out all of the advice of others and focused on what Lilly was telling me. Every time I tried to follow the advice of others or make a decision based solely on my needs it always backfired. Life was so much simpler when she and I worked together.
I also believe that she and I were able to really tune in to each other and trust each other because I worked from home. That allowed me to take care of business when she had down time. I didn’t have to force a schedule on her to accommodate my job or what was best for someone else. Working from home also gave me much needed “adult time” without sacrificing precious time with her. I still work from home, writing this blog. I can do my thing and her thing! That is called “Having your cake and eating it, too”!
To learn more about what I do and how easy it is for you to do the same, watch this video. My husband no longer needs to work full time to provide an income for his family. So, now that daddy is home everyday Lilly can have her cake and eat it, too!
Helping you find freedom,
