What do I do???????

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

So here’s the deal.  I got involved with Empower Network because I love everything they stand for.  And I want to help people the way they have helped me.  But, since I got back from the conference in San Diego I have been really struggling with getting a single post written.  I’m at a point in my life where priorities are changing and I no longer want the things I once wanted.

I already have an offline business.  I teach people how to use coupons to save money and my husband and I deliver the Atlanta paper with the coupons wholesale to stores in about 10 counties.  When I found Empower Network I was struggling with growing both sides of that business.  I love teaching people how to use coupons to save money but I don’t love being asked repeatedly to schedule classes and none of them show up.  It really takes the wind out of my sails.

Delivering the newspapers is literally a one to two day job.  And it earns us what the average person earns working full time.  So that is truly a no-brainer.

Here’s my hang-up.  There is a job I’ve wanted with a local business for a couple years now.  This summer I sent in my resume and almost got the job.  Almost.  Someone else got the job.  Now, I am in no way trying to be negative, but I can do a much better job!!!  And every time I see this person doing the job it tears me up and I am so critical of her.  I am hoping she will move on and leave the position so I can get it.  But this is totally F-ing me up!!  Not to mention not fair to her.

This is not a high paying job or anything totally glamorous, but it is one I know I would truly love.  I know this because it involves helping people grow their businesses.  I love helping people in any way I can, especially to grow their business and achieve their dreams.

Now, logically I know this is not my job to get, the position is filled.  But in my heart I keep thinking that if I just hold out a little longer, it will be open again.  Totally illogical!  No matter how many times I try to tunnel that “want” to help others with their businesses to this blog and away from that job, each morning I wake up and it’s like someone hit “reset” in my brain.  I’ve forgotten all of the convincing I did with myself the day before and I’m right back to trying to figure out how to get a job that is not available to me.  So, frustrating.

And instead of writing a blog post, I do nothing.  I have all of these elaborate plans and ideas of what I can write about in my posts.  Shoot, I’ve got enough to write about that I could be posting 5 blog posts a day!  But I don’t.  I just don’t.  I want to rent an office near that job because that will make me want to write.  And if I make myself stick to a 9-5 schedule, like that job, then THAT will really get me on the ball.

I guess I am trying to turn this blog into that job and that is simply not possible.  Holy crap, I am tearing up right now!  Do I need to morn the loss of a job I never had???  WTF?  I have been trying so hard to envision myself doing amazing things helping others and making money with Empower Network, but every time I try all I can see is myself sitting at that desk in that office of that job that I want so badly and don’t have.  Since that is all I can focus on do I just keep believing that one day it will be, like Dave Woods teaches us??  Or do I keep trying to delete that from my brain and replace it with something else?  Am I being a wussy?  Or am I keeping focused on what I really want?  Am I THAT afraid of what everyone else has achieved with Empower Network or does my subconscious know that this is not for me?

I’ve got bills to pay and a life to live and I am sick and tired of feeling like this every day!  It’s like depression.  I get sucked in before my eyes open in the morning.  My brains starts in and just won’t stop no matter how many decisions I make, or what kind of motivational phrases I write on my bathroom mirror.  They all amount to a big pile of crap!

Now it’s time to go.  I have to sign on to a training for an at home position to make some money somehow.  Dave Woods tells us to take off the mask.  Well, mine is off now.  I’ve not made a dime yet with EN.  Through no fault of theirs, totally mine.  I see so many people making money, helping others.  But not here.  I do believe if I do what they teach I will make money, I’ve seen it happen to others time and time again.  But I don’t.  I just don’t.  Ugh!

PS.  If the person who is doing this job I speak of see’s this to you I say, please do not take any offense to what I have written.  The battles are my own and do not speak to you and who you are or your performance in the job.  I’ve enjoyed meeting you and getting to know you and I hope to continue to grow our relationship. 

Empowering you for Success,