How to Love Yourself
Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” ~Oscar Wilde
Do you love yourself yourself truly and deeply?
If your inner cynic is already poking fun at this one, ignore it for now. Give it the cold shoulder and listen to me because loving yourself is the most profound step you will ever take toward personal freedom, a freedom from imprisoning yourself in judgement, self-hatred, and inferiority, and a freedom that brings you not just self-confidence but also plenty of inner peace.
Loving yourself is not selfish; it is self-nurturing and it serves you in the highest way so that you can then turn around and love the world and everything in it even more.
This is not egotistical love or narcissistic love, or the kind of love that says, “Hey, I am better than the rest of the world! Look At Me! Admire me!”
This is just pure and flowing love for the incredible person that you are, even if you forget it a little too often. This is the same form of natural, unabashed love that you feel for your loved ones, except in this case, the recipient is you.
Do not worry about “running out of love” by adding yourself to the equation. Love is beyond abundant; it replenishes itself all the time, much like your own blood supply, and so by loving yourself, you will be far more open to giving and receiving more love.
How to Love Yourself Truly and Deeply:
You express your love in many ways to your family and friends. You express it in words, in writing, in eye contact, in big or small actions, in smiles, and so many more ways. It is the same thing with loving yourself. You can start in tiny comfortable steps first and grow it from there.
Just a note of compassion: If this feels uncomfortable, awkward, and just plain “silly”, that is okay. I hear you. If you are not used to loving yourself, to being kind and gentle with yourself, or to even having much of a relationship with yourself, it takes time to wrap your thoughts around it.
So be very patient with yourself before you can take any action. It will happen in its own time. This is just the start and this step is part of a process–not a one-time event.
Here are five suggestions on how to begin to love yourself:
- Smile at yourself often – either in the mirror or just to yourself and really feel the happy feeling that comes from that. It has great power. This also releases tension and ease you into whatever you are doing.
- Put yourself first more often. If you are used to putting everyone else’s desires and needs before yours, it is time to switch things up. Be gentle and firm about it and go for it. You matter just as much as everyone else.
- Look at your body with acceptance, not criticism. This does not mean that you are in the best shape of your life and should never seek to change. It just means that self-criticism will not get you to change and it actually makes things worse, so accept where things are first with love.
- Fill yourself with kind words and thoughts. You become your thoughts. Love yourself by replacing the self-critical chatter in your head with the opposite – with kindness, and gentleness, and with a big proud “oh yeah” praise for who you are.
- Do something just for yourself. Do this without feeling an ounce of guilt or shame. This can be ordering something, enjoying a luxury alone, or indulging in solitude with your favorite cup of tea and a book. Do it feeling worthy of it because, well, you just are.
Louise Hay has non-negotiable morning rule. It sounds simple at first; however, do not allow its simplicity to fool you! This is true inner work for the soul:
When you wake up and greet the mirror first thing in the morning, before brushing your teeth or your hair, look at yourself and say, “I love you. I really love you.”
That is right! Remind yourself audibly that you love you and really mean it. Say it with ease, with naturalness, and do not worry if it sounds silly. Silly can be healing, and healing is what matters here. Commit to do this daily for yourself.