Being Unemployed

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

We all know that when you lose a loved one, you go through certain stages of grief. Some say there are five stages, others say seven. There are also stages of grief when you become unemployed. You may have hated your job. You may have hated your boss or your commute, but you never wanted to lose your income until YOU were ready.

This guide tells you about five stages of unemployment grief that may give insight as to what may lie ahead.

1. SHOCK

When I was laid off, I had no idea what was happening until I walked into the office and discovered that the so-called “meeting” was not my annual evaluation: I was being laid off. I was blind to the warning signs. Years before I had been laid off, and I had been aware of a potential layoff because it was a merger situation. This time, though, it wasn’t a merger, and I thought my seniority would help me. After all, I had been a dependable employee, always on time and seldom out ill. None of that mattered. You can’t justify in your mind why it was you, but you can argue why it shouldn’t have been you. Either way, the shock will last for a while, and then an overwhelming feeling of loss takes its grip.

2. ANGER

Sure. I was angry right away. I threw my belongings in a box, ignoring my co-worker who had the appointment after mine. She kept asking me what happened and was she fired? “No,” I replied angrily, “it’s me.” I didn’t know who was fired and who wasn’t. I didn’t know that the co-worker who’d gone in before me had been let go, or that my friend who went in after me was also going to be fired. I was in a daze. When my friends came to circle my desk, I couldn’t talk. I kept cleaning my desk and taking my personal information off my computer. After seventeen and a half years, all my doctor’s visits, telephone numbers, addresses etc. were stored on a calendar page just like the partners I supported.  Luckily, I still had my old-school rolodex and I threw that in my going-home box. I felt that that old rolodex was just like me – a throw-away nobody wanted.

3. DEPRESSION

Next thing you know, you’ve got a great pity party going. All your friends are at work while you listen to the news reports and the dreadful state of the economy. The national debt is flashed on a television screen rocketing to new heights along with gas and food. Even the weather refuses to cooperate. What is a miserable, isolated, overwhelmed human to do? Your former co-workers call. They ask, “No interviews yet? . . . So what are you doing?” You feel that they are blaming you because you are purposely not trying to find work. You feel guilty.

As your search drones on longer and longer, you hear less and less from the old gang until finally you’re out of touch completely. Frustrated, you realize you are out here on your own.

Then you remember that the old adage—“healthy body, healthy mind,” and you start to take care of yourself. You start to exercise and watch what you eat. You know that sitting around depressed will add weight, and added weight will sap your confidence and increase your depression. But you constantly fall off the wagon and the vicious circle continues. You struggle to pull yourself out of your destructive cycle, and when you do, you occupy your thoughts with productive ideas. That’s when the next stage kicks in.

4. FAITH AND FRIENDS

There are some who don’t believe in a higher power and to them, I say, skip this stage. But to those like myself who do, now is the time to unplug your faith. Surround yourself with positive people, those “can do” people (I bet they are your personal references) and those wise old owls. At a time when you need advice, seek the experienced and those with endless insights.

5. ADJUSTMENT AND START UP

Take action. Apply for Federal Unemployment if you can. If you received a severance check, make a plan to use it wisely. This is no time to splurge.

Accept the situation you’re in now and realistically look forward. Even if you find a job in this recession, your salary will probably be lower. But since you are now living on unemployment, you’ve become accustomed to a scaled-back lifestyle. Continue it.

If there are no longer positions in your field, search for alternative ways to make money. You’ll be surprised by your ingenuity. What are you interested in. And what makes YOU interesting?  Then find ways to start up again.

For example, if you are a vegetarian, talk about it. Hone your speaking skills. At charity functions, distribute recipes and samples. Then when you feel ready, use your expertise to earn money. If you have a talent or an interest, consider lecturing or making a presentation to a senior center. Most centers have budgeted funds to support local entertainers.

Visualize doing what you really want to do. Borrow books about it, read magazines and write about it in your journal. There will be setbacks–obstacles and rejections. But as your mindset needle swings to the more positive side, you may not stumble into depression as quickly. And if you do stumble, trial and error have taught you how to fight back.

Go ahead in a new direction. Don’t look back and, in the vernacular of this technology-driven era, REBOOT YOUR LIFE.

Norma Jackson