My Husband Is Getting Deployed! What Do I Do?

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

Since you’re reading this, your husband or wife is getting deployed. I reiterate that I’m not a doctor, or any licensed specialist, or spokesperson… or operate in any official capacity for the military. I’m just an Army Brat, Army Veteran, and Army Spouse…

Now that’s out of the way… I’ve been where you are. What I share with you is from experience.

Getting news of deployment, especially the first deployment, is never good. I remember when my husband got news of his deployment. My heart sank. Our story is a little different in that he had the privilege of choosing his deployment, instead of being snatched up.

My husband is Active Guard Reserve (AGR). What makes our situation a little different than Active Duty is that we are never stationed on a base. Our duty assignments resemble Recruiters (just to have something to compare it to.) We live in regular cities, and normally nowhere near a base.

When my husband deployed, we had been in California a little over a year. We still didn’t know anybody. I had NO support system. So, news of deployment added a whole new level of stress to the mix. After the reality set in, I had to go have a glass of wine to calm my nerves!

This post will share some words of wisdom, based on that experience.

 When your husband gets deployed…

1. Don’t panic –

I’ll have to say that, because we made this decision together, I did not panic. However, I know that’s not the case with everyone. Sometimes you get the news, and you’ve only got two weeks to prepare, as in a recent case with girlfriend of mine. Nonetheless, DO NOT panic. Remember that your soldier spouse is part of the most highly trained military in the world. Yes, they will be placed in harm’s way; however, they are trained to handle ‘harm’s way’.

2. Don’t run to social media –

Sometimes, I think Facebook and Twitter have taken over our lives! We have lots of friends on social media. That’s how we keep up with each other these days.

This is one thing, however, that you don’t broadcast on social media.

For one, it violates Operational Security (OPSEC). You can get your spouse in a lot of trouble for that. Secondly, your family members (especially his family) don’t need to get this news on Facebook. Give your spouse the courtesy of sharing the news with his family. It helps to reduce the shock.

3. Get connected –

Your husband’s unit should have a Family Readiness Group (FRG). While you should have already been active in this group, it is certainly a good idea to get involved now. This is where you’re going to find support and help when issues arise during the deployment. The FRG can help you negotiate military services and direct you to the correct agencies as the need arises.

4. Go to the briefings –

So many spouses hid their heads in the sand, thinking ‘this isn’t going to happen’… Please don’t do that. Go to the briefings and get informed!

For the most part, you’re gonna hear the Charlie Brown teacher sound ‘Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah…’, but there is really good information there. You should definitely go and educate yourself.

Numbers 5 through 7 are the business end of things

5. Update wills and powers of attorney –

Nobody really likes to think about this, but this is really important. Powers of Attorney expire. Wills need to be updated. God forbid your soldier doesn’t make it back home, and you find out the insurance gets paid out to a family member, or worse yet an ex-wife/husband. These things have happened.

You need to make sure you can conduct business on your spouse’s behalf. My husband owned a home before we got married. The mortgage holder still will NOT talk to me, because my name is not on the mortgage.

6. Determine the household Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) –

You need to know where the money is. How you will manage finances? How will the bills get paid? You and your spouse need to clarify how the finances will operate during the deployment.

You also need to be aware of what benefits you receive and when, in case the unspeakable happens.

If you do this part when no deployment is happening, it’s much easier. There is no emotion involved. However, if this is all you’ve got, this is all you’ve got.

7. Determine how the deployment will affect you financially –

This is mainly for Reservists. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen military families suffer during deployment. What happens is that the Reservist holds a really good job in civilian life, but they’re pay grade in the military doesn’t compare. The family back home ends up being in dire straits while the soldier is deployed.

Again, this is best done prior to even the thought of deployment.

8. Take pictures –

This doesn’t have to be formal. You can if you want, but it can just be snapshots. This is more crucial if you have children, especially small ones. Recent photos and snapshots help keep mom or dad fresh in your child’s memory. It is also great to create memories.

9. Get a life –

Whenever I say this to military spouses, especially new ones,  they act like I’m the most cruel person on the planet. Look, you gain nothing by ‘pining away’ for your husband or wife to come home. Do things you enjoy doing, or that you always wanted to do – go to school, start a business – whatever that looks like for you. Enjoy yourself. It is not sacrilegious for you to enjoy your life while your spouse is deployed.

10. Turn off CNN-

It is tempting to watch the news to see what’s happening. It’s really best that you don’t. You’ll hear about bombs going off, and soldiers getting injured or killed. You will worry enough on your own, without having the media help you out. You don’t watch it, and certainly don’t let  your children watch it.

Deployments can be tough; however, with preparation and the right attitude, you can truly make it suck less… (there’s no way to dress that up)…

Make sure you enjoy time with your husband or wife before the deployment. The ‘see ya later’ is never easy. Treasure each moment.

Keep marching forward,

PS. 

Related articles

• My Deployment ABC’s (backonland.com)
• Deployment Blues (ashleylosingweight.wordpress.com)
• Study highlights health struggles of military kids (airforcetimes.com)
• Social media increasingly important for miltiary families (chronicle.augusta.com)