HOW DO I RAISE THIS KID?

Restored from the Empower Network archive (2011–2017), lightly edited to meet our current advertising standards. Views are the original author’s.

Wow.  A friend of mine spent half the night awake last night. Her 15 year old was also awake in the other room “chatting” on the computer loudly enough to be heard through the walls. What was he saying? And who was on the other end of the phone?  His mom did not know. It was 3AM. It had been going on all night, apparently. The noise just woke her.  So she went into his room and told him loudly that he needed to get off the computer, hang up the phone, and go to sleep! She had to get up at 7AM to go clean houses–that is what she does for a living to support her son right now–and she told him in no uncertain way, that he was also to get up at 7am now that he had done this! She was angry, with good reason. But this has been going on for a long time. What could she do. He does not listen. He will not change. She is largely ignored by him. He looks down on her.

That’s not all. Her son had the gall to taunt her while she was speaking with him! She threatened to take his computer and phone as he has been up at all hours before online playing games and talking with unknown people. He has no answer to who he is talking with and for what purpose. The story keeps changing. To hear him tell it, he is “helping his friends” and he “gave them his word” and “promised” them to help them with the game in the early AM. Surely his mom could not expect him to break his solemn word!

Get this: after she threatened to take his computer if he did not stop being up at all hours on it, interrupting his and her sleep and disrupting the next workday, HE TAUNTED HER~! Told her “I doubt you even know how to take the computer. You don’t know how to unhook it. You really think you can(take the computer)?”

His mom works three jobs at just above minimum wage. She is tired all the time. She arrived here from another country three years ago. Already, while here, she went to daytime high school for adults and got her GED in English–a language that she did not speak a word of til three years ago.  In her home country she taught high school for eight years. She threw her life’s work into her teaching and especially teaching her son when he was small. Her son has been here for three years–since the age of 12. His spoken English is like that of any American, with a slight accent on some words. He cannot spell well and his grammar is not correct, despite three years of U.S. public school. In his home country he was a top performing student with many awards in math and science,  and this happened for him in Elementary school! He is smart. Under many circumstances, he is a good kid.

These days, however, her son plays video computer games at almost all times of the day, seven days a week. He plays video games on his phone, and texts continuously when he is not in front of the computer.  He cannot face anything else. He tried to get a job. He spent a total of seven hours putting in applications before giving up. He tells adults that he wants to work online. He has  a friend, he says, who he wants to work with, and will…tomorrow, or next week, or next month or next year…always in the future, but with no action. Everything he says he will do fails to happen.

He is a good kid. He has no guidance. Where would he get guidance? School, one would think. There is none. His mom can only chastise him for what she sees wrong, and he has reduced himself to ridiculing her openly. This is breaking her heart.  It is breaking mine, too. I am close to the situation. Ever been close to a situation, but not entirely in a position to do something about it?

SO…someone is going to step in and help the situation. Personally. In a friendly way, but with firm certainty and love.

How?

If I were the boy, and later I grew into an adult, I would want someone to help me to develop a meaningful life, full of purpose and action. I would want SOME adult to guide me. Especially if I were very smart and capable, but simply could not face something I felt was too difficult.  Life can overwhelm a kid in a tough situation…but this is nonsense! He must take responsibility for himself. He is 15, almost 16. And I , as a friend of his mom’s, not being entirely within my right or responsibility, should take what responsibility I can. Don’t you think?

Well. This post is done. Soon, I will tell you what I did to help this boy and his mom.

Meanwhile, do you have children? Me too. I have two of my own. Fortunately, they are in a school where the staff have a small child-to-student ratio, and can truly teach and mentor my children. Meanwhile, my own children are not immune to the pull of internet gaming and other wasted time.

The way you know whether something is worthwhile is…well, that’s for the next post!

Your Friend,

Jeffrey Hendrick(727) 418-5976